Star Wars | Episode X: The Edge of Destiny

Chapter 7: Longing

It's amazing watching space fly past you while you are on a light speed highway.  There's nothing quite like it.  You will never feel smaller in the universe than when you are on a light speed course. 

I turn my head from the viewing window in the Republic cruiser's common area.  Looking around, I see a few soldiers and political aids quietly mingling.  

Reaching out through the Force, I feel their hidden curiosity at my presence.  Even now, they still are uneasy around me.  Not fearful but cautious.  I sense it has something to do with the whispers of Kylo Ren and the First Order.

I feel my spirit drop from the thought of his name.  "Kylo Ren." I lean back against my chair.  "If only they had known the man beyond the mask.  Knew him how I did---as Ben Solo..."  My thought trails as I sense Finn's approach.

"Rey," Finn says walking up to my booth with a smile.  

I look up at him and smile. "Please, sit with me.  I miss your company," I say ushering him to take a seat across from me. 

"Thanks, it's been busy since you arrived.  It's a shame you couldn't regroup longer upon returning to Coruscant.  I feel like you are always rushed off to your next adventure.  We don't get to see one another too often anymore," Finn says as his smile falls in one corner of his mouth. 

I reach over and grab his hand he was rubbing on his knee.  "Not to worry.  I like being busy.  Then it gives me more exciting things to tell you when I do get to see you." I lean back in my chair smiling at him.

"So, I came to talk to you about this possible relic," He says leaning back. "What, are--um, your thoughts on this thing that---I don't know...can bring people back?" he trails off. 

"I'm not sure what to make of it, honestly.  If it's real then it's something dangerous that cannot get into the hands of the First Order or any Sith acolytes. Why? I sense something stirring in you.  What are you wanting to ask me?" I stare hard into him.

"Have you...thought about it?"

My face becomes stern.  "You mean, have I thought about the idea of bringing Ben back?" Saying his name out loud stabs my heart and I can feel tears forming in my eyes.

Finn's face turns to stone and I can sense him trying to pry into my mind for the answer.  Deep down he senses that I'm hiding things from him---I am.  There is so much I wish to tell him but can't---not yet.  There are too many unknown eyes watching me.

I turn my head and look back out the window before returning my gaze to him.  Tilting my head I lean in closer to him, and he follows and leans towards me.

"Every single second," I whisper before rising back against my chair.  I can feel a clash of light and dark swirling in my mind.  The thought of obtaining that relic is causing a storm to brew in me. Darkness is starting to grow in my heart and mind---I now fear I won't be able to control it.

"That's what I was afraid of," Finn says looking down.

"Why does it matter to you, Finn? Do you think I would do something reckless?" I question harshly.

"No, it's not that at all, Rey. I trust you.  I just--I just thought you were past all that..."

"Past it? How in the world could I move past him? You still don't understand Finn." Tears form in my eyes. "The day that Ben Solo died, half of me died with him.  We are entwined by the Force and losing him was like ripping half of my soul out of my body.  The bond of the Dyad is like nothing anyone else can experience in this life.  That connection spans across space and time itself, Finn. I crave him back with every part of my being.  I'm not whole without him here..." I say softly staring into his eyes.  I wipe away the fallen tears that cover my cheeks.

Finn looks into my eyes with small tears forming. "I'm sorry Rey, I..."

"Don't be.  There's nothing anyone can say or do to help.  I will never move past this loss, Finn.  I'm the only one who can do anything about it."

"I didn't mean..."

"I know.  I'm truly sorry for being unable to talk about him to you.  I'm not ready to talk about him and I fear I never will be." I finish wiping a falling tear from my cheek.

He leans back hard against his chair and looks down at his feet and then to my gaze. "I just want to let you know Rey that any time in the future you need me---I will always be there to answer your call. I love you, Rey."

My mouth trembles into a smile.  "I love you too, Finn," I say breathing in deeply. I quickly stand and extend my hand out to him.  "Come on, we will begin breaking from light speed in a bit.  Let's walk together to the bridge." I finish smiling at him.

He smiles back and grabs my hand--rising to a standing position.  Together, we exit the common area and walk down the long hallway to the bridge's lift.  The lift's door opens and then shuts behind us.  Finn presses the button and I feel the elevator rising to our destination.

The doors swoosh open as we exit the lift and walk into the bridge.  I see a handful of cruiser workers at their stations preparing for our end of light speed.  We walk over to Poe, who is at the Holotable talking to Major Connix.  They both turn, and we greet one another around the table.

"It's been a long time Kaydel," I say wrapping her in for a hug.

"Rey, it's so great to see you," she replies tightening the embrace.

"Congratulations by the way on the promotion.  Major Connix fits you," I smile to her releasing the embrace.

"Thank you," she says cheerfully.

I stare into her warm eyes.  Her eyes always remind me so much of Leia.  They have several facial similarities.  It's as if she could be her daughter in another life.  The memory of Leia's smile warms my heart---how I miss her.

I feel the ship shudder and I can tell we arrived at the bridge at an opportune time---our light speed journey has ended.  The next phase of our journey is about to start.

Several crewmen bustle about and give readings to Poe on Holopad.  "It looks like we are cleared for landing on Hutta," Poe says handing the Holopad back and smiling at us.

"Excellent," I say back smiling at him.