Star Wars | Episode X: The Edge of Destiny

Chapter 18: Soon

My eyes open. I'm left alone, again, in my room. I feel the pillow and the soft mattress below me. The silken blanket lies over my legs. My senses awaken with the day.

"Why must I always say good-bye to him? How I'd give anything just to say good morning..."

I move my hand from my chest and notice that his shirt is still the place I had it when I fell asleep. I lift my upper body and come to a seated position on the bed. The black shirt falls to my lap.

I trace my hand over the fabric. I see the hole I left with the Skywalker blade in his abdomen. The memory causes a shiver to rock me to my core. Remembering his face when I told him "I wanted to take his hand, Ben's hand." My breathing shakes.

Watching my fingers graze over the top I stop.

"Who told him to wait there?"

My eyes dart forward and my face hardens. Slowly, I move off the mattress and head back into the wardrobe. I make my way to the end where the dresser is. Lowering myself down to a kneeling position---I grab the box.

With tender care, I fold his shirt back up and place it in the box. Taking one final look at it, I seal the box shut with the lid. I move the garments in the bottom drawer over and place the box down.

I kiss my fingertips and plant them softly on the lid.

"Soon."

I move the garments back over the top and close the drawer. Rising, I walk over where my official Jedi garbs hang. Running my fingers over the different colored hanging fabric I find a soft cream top. I open the drawer below and find a pair of charcoal-colored pants. I take both items and place them on the table that holds jewelry and perfumes in the center of the wardrobe. Why Poe insisted I have these items I will never understand.

Slipping off the nightgown, I open another drawer and grab new underwear and a chest wrap. Quickly, I throw my new clothes on and find a pair of boots that are suited for running on difficult terrain. I do have to give it to Poe though. He is always able to find the best boots for me.

I snag a belt on the way out and wrap it around my waist before I exit my bedroom. I head into the dining area and see that a droid has already brought in my breakfast. Taking a seat, I grab my cup of Galalenta Tea and start sipping. I lower both elbows on the table and lean forward as I sip my delicious tea. I turn my head and look out the large window to my right where I can see the bustling of Coruscant. It's as if this city never sleeps.

I slowly drink the golden liquid and enjoy the heat as it runs down my throat. I place the cup down and start eating the array of fruits and slices of bread before me. Starting to think about Jakku and how all I could eat was a ration bread. It amazes me, even now, after all this time that I will never experience every cuisine in this galaxy. I would never have imagined that one day I'd be eating a plate that has bread recipes from four different planets on it.

"What am I doing?" I drop the bread back on the plate and lean aggressively back in my chair. Why are my thoughts so distracted?

The memory of my dream plays in my head. His eyes.

Anger swells inside of me. "How can the Force keep doing this to me? It's taunting me. After everything, I have done in service to the Force! After everything, I have sacrificed for others! What I have to sacrifice this time to bring balance!"

My thoughts begin racing and my heart starts pounding. My eyes dart back and forth in front of me. I slam my hands against the table.

"Ah!" I scream. With every ounce of air, I have left in me. No matter how hard I scream out---I can never empty the sorrow inside of my heart. The darkness grows in my heart---it's as if my anger is feeding it life.

My breath trembles as I inhale and exhale slowly---my bottom lip quivers. I wipe my tear away and begin to steady my breathing. I focus on the half-eaten pile of fruits and nuts in front of me. Trying to steady my anger by looking at their colors.

"I knew that by bringing you back after you defeated Palpatine wouldn't atone for the darkness I wrought but it was all I could do. It was all I wanted to do. I just wanted to see you look at me one more time as Ben." he smiles at me. "When I became one with the Force, I still felt the dyad connection to you. Every thought and everything you have experienced---I have been with you, Rey."

"But I haven't smiled with joy since that day, Ben. The day you saved me..." A single tear from my left eye falls---I don't wipe it away.

I hear beeping coming from my transceiver in the lobby. I stand and walk over to the small table across the way. Seeing a green light flashing, I press it with my finger.

An image of Finn displays before me. "Good morning, Rey."

"Good morning to you as well," I smile.

"Just wanted to give you the update. We have your ship inspected and ready to go. We located the tracking device. You were right, it was there."

"They wanted us to find that," anger growls in my mind.

"You have plenty of time. Did you get enough rest last night?"

"As much as I could have...considering."

"Well, no rush or anything. We have the Falcon ready to go and the coordinates have been imputed. We don't have any information on the system we're going to by what scanners say and it's very near a black hole. There's no sun though..."

"Is the relic safe?"

Finn looks at me intently. Even though he's projected through the transceiver, I sense his concern grows. "Yes, it's under lock and key."

"Excellent, I will be down shortly."

Finn nods and smiles slightly. I don't even say good-bye before I turn off the connection. I walk over to the door and grab my blaster, lightsaber, and coat and exit my suite in a hurry.

The security doors slam shut behind me.