Child Hood Memories

May Fourteenth

Ella's face turns hard and cold as soon as she walks out of her room and there's no one waiting for her. There was a note on the table.

Went out to get breakfast, be home around eleven, go back to bed

-love, Sammy

Ella scowls, tearing the note in half. Yesterday had been Hell for her. Sam wouldn't stop looking at her, pity shining through his puppy dog eyes.

"Is everything okay?" Cas and Isabelle walk into the room, smiles plastered on their faces. Ella turns around, wearing her own smile.

"Yeah, I just..." She searches for things to say, "I rip up notes when I'm finished reading them. No use for them then."

"That's a waste of paper." Cas shrugs, but dismisses the conversation.

"Castiel, you know she's lying." Isabelle seethes, "Why would you just ignore her pain?"

"It's a human thing." Both Ella and Cas look at each other, nodding in agreement.

"Ignoring someone even if they're not happy?" Isabelle cocks her head to the side, "That... doesn't make sense."

"Home!" Dean and Sam cut off their conversation, "We got pie, donuts, coffee, and Ella, I got you eggs."

"Where's Sam?" Ella hugs herself.

"He's going grocery shopping." Dean raises his eyebrows.

"Oh." Ella turns, her shoulders tense, "I'm not really hungry." She walks to her room, heart in her throat, wanting badly for Sam to lift her up with happy eyes and bringing her down to kiss him. She didn't want solemn hugs and pitiful eyes. Dean barges into her room, shutting the door quietly and crossing his arms, looking down at her.

"What's wrong?" He glares at her.

"Dean, I'm fine." Ella cringes at the glare.

"You Sammy's head over heels for you, right? Nothing could ever persuade him not to love you." Dean persists.

"I'm groovy, man." Ella rolls her eyes, stretching out on her bed, "I'm just tired."

"Come on. Talk to me, goose." Dean sits next to her.

"I swear to god, Winchester, I will rip out your spleen and repeatedly slap you with it." Ella turns her back on him, "I'm fine."

"Then come out and eat." Dean shrugs, standing up again.

"I'm not hungry." Ella sits up, staring at her ceiling like a moody teenager.

"Like you weren't hungry last night? Or yesterday at lunch?" Dean asks, the concerned parent in this metaphor.

"Dammit, Dean, I said I wasn't hungry." Ella snaps, "Maybe I'm just not, you ass. Maybe I'm fine and not everything needs to be catalogued and assessed carefully. I'm a human, not an endangered species."

"You're going to die if you don't eat." Dean ignores her statement, "At least have a bite of something."

"I'm going out." Ella throws on a sweater over her pajamas, "Have a great breakfast."

"Ella, you're not leaving this damn bunker until you eat something." Dean grabs her arm, stopping her from leaving the room.

"I'm not a child, Dean." Ella jerks away from him, "You can't control me."

"You're acting like a child!" Dean shouts.

"And you're acting like an ass." Ella seethes, storming out and to her car, slamming the bunker door behind her. Dean follows her out.

"You're being targeted." Dean steps in front of the car.

"Move before I run you over." Ella says, her eyes a mix of hurt and anger, reflecting the grey sky.

"You're going to get yourself killed!" Dean slams his hands on the cars hood.

"Good!" Ella retaliates, jumping out of the car and walking down the road. Dean, being the protecting older brother figure, runs after her.

"Slow down." Dean orders.

"Leave me alone." Ella scowls.

"What's going on with you?"

"It doesn't matter. You're making a huge deal out of something that didn't matter."

"Ella Murphy."

"Fine!" Ella grabs Deans shirt collar, spinning him around and pushing him to the ground. "My boyfriend thinks in insane! My best friend thinks everything I do is his business! Isabelle is risking her life because I asked! Cas is dying! I'm a screwed up person! I don't care if I die, but if you break your arm then I will go ballistic! I'm a broken human." Ella can't bring era elf to cry. She can't. Everything is gone, anyways, so what's the point of showing emotion? "I'm not hungry. I'm tired. Understand? I'm just not hungry." Ella's anger dissolves as she walks off, down the road. The impala passes her before backing up and stopping. Sam hops out.

"What's going on?" Sam asks.

"You're girlfriend really needs you." Dean whispers, crawling into the car and finishing the drive up. Sam sprints to Ella, stepping infringement of her and grabbing ahold of her arms.

"What?" Ella snaps, "Do you want to know? Because last time I told you, it ruined our relationship."

"What do you mean?" Sam's shoulders fall, the happiness in his eyes fading.

"Every time you see me, the joy and excitement leaves you. It just... I drain your energy." Ella shakes her head, laughing bitterly, "I'm a parasite in your family."

"No no no, Ella." Sam shakes his head, "No, babe, you're not."

"Oh?" Ella rolls her eyes, "Dean thinks I'm always thinking about my mental problems, you always think I'm sad. Cas seems to be the only one that understand that when someone says they're fine, they're fine."

"Ella..."

"Don't try to tell me that I couldn't do anything to hurt you because I can kill your brother, or myself for that matter, and then just like that you're the most broken, dead inside person in the world. Don't say that I'm perfect. Don't say that I'm wonderful. Don't say everything is okay because I'm not in the mood to be lied to. I'm literally a certified mental patient that knows how to pay properly." Ella takes a deep breath, "Sam, I love you. I do."

"I love you too." Sam smiles, but it's fill of sorrow.

"But how long will it be until you realize that ruins families. I ruined mine. Now I'm going to ruin yours." Ella buries her face into Sam's chest, "I'm so sorry."

"I love you." Sam kisses her head and wraps his giant arms around you. They sit in silence until Ella takes another deep breath.

"Are you wearing woman's perfume?" She looks up at him.

"The person was spraying it and I got caught in the fire." Sam smiles sheepishly.

"You're a giant dork." Ella laughs and just like that, they're safe again, alone, in each other arms. Ella fells in love with Sam again. Sam fell in love with Ella again.

Then Ella, just like that, was in a white room, sobbing her eyes out, the nurse that looked like Abbadon hugging her.

"Sammy?" Ella looks up.