s e r e n d i p i t y

Float ⚓ Twenty Five

float ⚓ twenty five

Incompetent. I whisper as I draw angels in the sand with a stick. Sitting on a rock beside me, he turns his head and stares at me.

What?

Incompetent...that's what you are. And I hate it, but I don't hate you. Seth takes a deep breath and looks down.

She forced me to do it. He says. He sounds ashamed, and it takes a while for me to realise that Seth is telling me his story. His reason. How can someone hurt a person so badly they stop feeling? My heart cries out to Seth, even though I know he won't hear it. His heart is too caged for real love.

I don't force him to go on, simply because that's what I've been doing for months and it hasn't worked. It occurs to me that I should've waited and trusted him to slowly open up...since we met, I feel as though his become worse.

He looks at the ground and twists the fake rings on his fingers...when did those get there? He must have spent the money on more than just those pair of scissors.

Sh-she took my hands and... His voice cracks. I've never heard it do this. She made me do things I didn't want to do.

And she was your mother. I think. Standing up, I make my way to him and sit down. I don't touch him, what if he slaps me? Sometimes the best way to show sympathy is to be silent.

She loved it, he laughs dryly and I want to cry. Suddenly, hearing him like this hurts me more than when he's hitting me. 

He doesn't  deserve this...but neither do you. I tell myself.

Um...I struggled, but she was stronger than me, I was just so young and helpless...she made me make her feel...good. And then because I don't want to hear any more of what he's saying, I turn his head towards my own and kiss him. His fingers find themselves curled up in my hair and his kiss is urgent.

I love you so much Seth. I say, because I need him to know this, I love you, even when you're mad at me, even when you hit me and I know that makes me stupid but I do. I love you.

He pulls away and stares at me...his eyes look brighter, like his lifted the heavy weight that's been keeping him caged. 

I'll try harder. He holds me close.

Hm?

I'll try harder to show you how much I'm in love with you...because I am, Eliza.

And I smile because I know that everything will be just fine.