Unwanted Attractions

Chapter 1

  Bilbo Baggins sits outside Bag End smoking a wooden pipe as he waits for his sister Rosa to finish making breakfast. Bilbo blows a smoke ring which collapses and becomes a smoke moth, as a tall figure walks towards him. The moth flies into Bilbo's face, waking him from his reverie. He looks up in surprise and sees a hooded figure.
  "Good morning." Bilbo greets
  "What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or, perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?" The stranger asked
  "All of them at once, I suppose."
  The stranger looks slightly disapprovingly at Bilbo
  Bilbo is confused and bewildered. "Can I help you?"

  He raises a brow at him "That remains to be seen. I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."
 

"An adventure? Now, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner, hm, mm" Bilbo says getting up and checks his mailbox, grabbing some mail and sorting through it, clucking to himself. He looks quite uncomfortable because the stranger is still standing there. Puffing his pipe in vexation. "Good morning," he says nervously heading back inside
  "To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door."
  Bilbo stops and looks at him confused "Beg your pardon?"
  "You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins."
  "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
  "Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it. I'm Gandalf! And Gandalf means ... me."
  "Gandalf...not Gandalf, the wandering Wizard, who made such excellent fireworks! Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve. Ha, ha! Well. Hmm, I had no idea you were still in business."
  Gandalf raises a brow at this statement "And where else should I be?"
  "Ha, ha! Hm, hmm..." Bilbo puffs confusedly on his pipe
  "Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me, even if it's only my fireworks. Well, that's decided. It will be very good for you and your sister, and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others."
  "Rosa? Inform the who? What? No. No. No! Wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you. Not today, not-mm. I suggest you try over the Hill or across The Water. Good morning." Bilbo, in frustration, retreats into Bag End, gesturing at Gandalf with his pipe.

  Once inside, he bolts the door and leans against it. Hearing a curious noise, he puts his ear close to the door. The noise is from Gandalf drawing a glowing symbol on Bilbo's door with his staff. Alarmed, Bilbo looks out his side window, only to find Gandalf's eye appear in front of him. He jumps back in fright and hides behind a wall; he looks out another window and sees Gandalf hurrying away.
  "Bilbo are you alright?" Rosa asked coming up behind him He jumps and turns around "Oh, um, yes Rosa I'm fine."
  "Um, ok well breakfast is ready if you're hungry."
Bilbo nods and they go eat.

  Later that night in Bagend, Bilbo prepares his plate of fish; he settles down at the table across from Rosa. Bilbo begins sprinkling salt on his fish. Rosa chuckles as she starts cutting her fish. Unbeknownst to both of them, the symbol from earlier on the door glows, and the shadow of a person appears on the door. Bilbo, in the middle of squeezing lemon juice on his fish, looks up in surprise as the doorbell rings.
  "Did you invite someone Bilbo?" Rosa asks looking up from her plate
  "No did you?" Bilbo asked back puzzled
  Rosa shakes her head. Bilbo gets up and goes to answer the door, when he opens the door, he finds a tall, bald dwarf on his doorstep.
The dwarf greets him and bows slightly. "Dwalin, at your service."
  Bilbo quickly ties his robe tighter and stands taller, although he is still confused. "Ah, Bilbo Baggins, at yours."
  Dwalin walks inside without an invitation
  "D-do we know each other?"
  "No. Which way, laddie? Is it down here?"
  "I-is what down where?"
Dwalin dumps some of his stuff on the ground and thrusts the rest onto Bilbo. "Supper. He said there'd be food and lots of it."
  "H-He said? Who said?"
  Rosa stands up as Dwalin comes into the room. He bows greeting her "Dwalin at your service madam."
  "Oh, Rosa Baggins at yours sir." She bows then looks over at Bilbo who shrugs at her

  Dwalin sits down at Bilbo's spot at the kitchen table and starts eating Bilbo's dinner, while Bilbo and Rosa sit behind him, confused. Dwalin eats all the flesh from the fish, then eats the head as well, as Bilbo looks on in disgust. Rosa just stares blankly at the floor
  "Mmmm. ... Very good, this. Any more?" Dwalin asks
  "What? Uh, oh, yes, yes. Ah." Bilbo brings over a plate of biscuits; he hurriedly hides two behind his back for himself and Rosa. "Help yourself," Bilbo tells him handing him the plate. Dwalin begins stuffing them in his mouth.
  "Mmmm. It's just that, um, we weren't expecting company." Bilbo says sitting down and passes it to Rosa a biscuit. Then the doorbell rings again, making the two hobbits look up in alarm.
  "That'll be the door," Dwalin tells them
  This time both Bilbo and Rosa go to the door, Bilbo opens it and they find an old, white-haired dwarf waiting.
  "Balin, at your service." He bowed
  "Good evening," Bilbo replied
While Rosa replied "Evening sir."
  "Yes, yes it is, though I think it might rain later. Am I late?"
  Rosa and Bilbo looked at each other then at him "Late for what?"
  Balin walks in and sees Dwalin, who's trying to get more biscuits from Bilbo's jar. "Oh, haha! Evening, brother. Heh, heh." Dwalin greets puttung the jar down "Oh, by my beard, you are shorter and wider than last we met."
  "Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us."
Laughing, they greet each other amicably. Putting their arms on each other's shoulders, they smash their foreheads together. Both Bilbo and Rosa look on in wonder.
  "Uh, excuse me; sorry, I hate to interrupt, ah, but the thing is, I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house," Bilbo speaks up
  Ignoring Bilbo, Dwalin and Balin have gone into the pantry, where they are pouring ale and examining the food. As they talk to each other, Bilbo continues his speech. "It's not that we don't like visitors; we like visitors as much as the next Hobbits, but we would like to know them before they come visiting."
Dwalin and Balin, not listening to Bilbo, are still rifling through the pantry. They start looking through the food talking to each other about the food they find. Dwalin takes the cheese they were looking at and tosses it out of the pantry, past the still-speaking Bilbo and Rosa who's next to him.
"The thing is, um, I, I don't know either of you, not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I uh, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry."
The two dwarves pause and look at Bilbo. "Hm. Apology accepted."
Bilbo looks at them confused as Balin hands a tankard to Dwalin so that it can be filled with ale. "Ah, now fill it up, brother, don't stint. I could eat again if you insist."
Then they hear the doorbell ring again.
"I'll get that Bilbo," Rosa tells him walking towards the door