Unwanted Attractions

Chapter 26

  The dwarves, Bilbo, and Rosa wait in the barrels on the barge as it stops.
  "Shh," Dwalin hissed to quiet the others "what's he doing?"
  Bilbo peers through a hole in his barrel. "He's talking to someone." He informs everyone having a clear view
  Bilbo sees Bard point back at the barrels while talking to the man. "And he's...pointing right at us!"
  Thorin is anxious at the statement.
"Now they're shaking hands," Bilbo informs them as Bard shakes the man's hand
  "What?"
  "That villain! He's selling us out." Dwalin snarled at this
  They all listen anxiously; suddenly, dead fish are poured into the barrels. The dwarves splutter in surprise. Rosa covers her mouth so she doesn't make a noise. 'Oh gross.' 
 Bard poles his barge toward the gate of the city; on deck are the 14 barrels all full of fish, with a dwarf or a hobbit inside as well. A few of the dwarves grunts out in disgust.
  "Quiet!" Bard says kicking the barrel closest to him "We're approaching the toll gate."
  "Halt! Goods inspection. Papers, please." The gatekeeper says  then sees it's Bard "Oh, it's you, Bard." 
  "Morning, Percy." Brad greets him
  "Anything to declare?" 
  "Nothing, but that I am cold and tired, and ready for home," Bard tells him handing over some papers.
 "You and me both." Percy takes them and goes to the office
  As he does this, Bard looks around warily.
  "Here we are. All in order." Percy comes back
  He holds out Bard's papers, but a man suddenly steps out of the shadows and grabs the papers. "Not so fast." He reads Bard's papers, then looks at his load "Consignment of empty barrels from the Woodland Realm." the man tosses Bard's papers to the wind and approaches him, with some of Laketown's soldiers behind him"Only, they're not empty, are they, Bard? If I recall correctly, you're licensed as a bargeman, not a fisherman."The man says this, he picks up one of the fish from a barrel and holds it up to Bard. He doesn't see Bombur's eyes looking up from the gap where the fish had been.
  "That's none of your business."
  "Wrong. It's the Master's business, which makes it my business."
  "Oh come on, Alfrid, have a heart. People need to eat!"
  "These fish are illegal." Alfrid throws the fish he was holding into the water, then turns to the soldiers. "Empty the barrels over the side." Alfrid commands
  "You heard him. Into the canal. Come on, get a move on." the captain says moving forward
  With that, the soldiers begin tipping the barrels over and letting the fish fall into the canal.
  "Folk in this town are struggling. Times are hard. Food is scarce."
  "That's not my problem."
  "And when the people hear the Master is dumping fish back in the lake, when the rioting starts, will it be your problem then?"
  Bard and Alfrid stare at each other intensely for a few seconds, then finally Alfrid raises his hand to the soldiers. "Stop." The soldiers stop tipping the barrels over and return to the buildings. "Ever the people's champion, eh, Bard? Protector of the common folk? You might have their favor now, bargeman, but it won't last." Alfrid walks away.
  "Raise the gate!" Percy shouts
  A large portcullis blocking the channel is raised, and Bard begins to pole his barge through.
  "The Master has his eye on you; you'd do well to remember. We know where you live." Alfird tells Bard as he passes
  "It's a small town, Alfrid; everyone knows where everyone lives."

  After a bit, Bard docks his barge. He looks around, and once he's sure no one is looking, he knocks over one of the barrels, and a dwarf falls out along with a pile of fish. Bard continues knocking over barrels. then He reaches for Dwalin's barrel, but Dwalin pokes his head up through the fish.
  "Get your hands off me," Dwalin growls at him
  The remaining dwarves, Bilbo, and Rosa struggle out of their barrels, looking greasy and slimy from the fish.
  "You didn't see them, they were never here." The dock keeper looks on in shock. Bard approaches him and slips him a coin. "The fish you can have for nothing."
  "Follow me." Bard leads the Company away.
  As they stride through Laketown, A young man runs up to Bard. "Da! Our house, it's being watched."
   Bard and his son walk along back to their house. As they walk, a fisherman in a boat sees them and drops his eyepatch over one eye, then knocks with his staff on a wall nearby {This is Stephen Colbert}. Upon this signal, two boys run from the wall, and one knocks over a contraption which causes a hammer to hit a bell. At this signal, another man lights a match to light his pipe. He turns and looks at two men in a fishing boat right next to Bard's house, and they nod and switch their poles to the opposite sides of the boat than before. They do this just as Bard and Bain get to their house and enter through the door. Stops just before Bard enters, he takes an apple "You can tell the Master that I'm done for the day." he says tossing an apple to one of the fishermen.