90 Days to Love (Completed)

34: 70 x 7

Desiree Sanders

We still hadn't returned back home, with the number of guests it only made sense for us to extend the rental on this place until they left, at the end of this week.

Yesterday, was a hard day for me but today; I felt a bit more uplifted. After hearing all the encouraging words and seeing the crowd my brother's presence pulled in, it was heart warming. His life was taken way too soon, but yet it was so impactful. I was proud, to be able to say that he, was my brother.

We capped off the night last night with a little bonfire, bringing some of my dad's culture along with something Giovanni would've loved to be apart of. We celebrated with laughter, dancing and so much food which was exactly his type of night. All in all, it felt like he was there, with us; celebrating as well. I went to sleep, and dreamt of him, dreamt of him smiling... I dreamt of him being at peace. Which is why I believe today was much easier than I thought it would've been.

I glanced down at my phone, just hoping that Jeremiah would have read my messages being as he refused to answer any of my calls, he didn't even come to the bonfire. It bothered me, but I couldn't blame him; I was in the wrong and all but at a time like this; I expected him to know how much I needed him. I wanted to apologize, talk things out but he never gave me the time of day.

"You okay?"

I looked away from my phone to see my mom standing by the couch where I sat, holding two cups of orange juice. To be honest, she had been the strongest through this whole thing, most would believe it was because she was MIA for a while but that portion of time was nothing compared to when she was there, rooting Gio on, pushing him to be the best he could be when he was much younger. Giovanni was my mother's first at the end of the day; so I knew that despite the brave face she was going through it. Her strength was inspiring.

I simply nodded, then returned my attention towards the television. With every outlet still being focussed on what happened with my brother; the only thing I could really watch was Disney channel.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" she asked, before extending one of the cups to me.

"Go for it." I responded, while scooting over to create space for her. I declined the orange juice however.

"How are you feeling?" she asked while sitting down. "It's really important that you try to eat something today."

"Yeah... I might." I placed my hand against my temples, while staring straight ahead at the show that I could care less about. Apart from the two of us, everyone else was still asleep so there was no more dodging her. I knew the moment was now and it was inevitable, I assumed by the way she and my father were acting that she had gotten her peace with him... so I knew my time was coming. Not to mention the fact that Gio had told me in my dream last night, to just... let it go.

I listened as she cleared her throat before placing the cups onto the coffee table. "Desiree..." she said, while reaching for the remote and putting the TV on mute. "I wanted to talk to you."

"I figured." I said, glancing at my phone once more before looking into her direction. "Might as well get this out of the way from now."

"We might." She agreed. "I know there's a lot of tension between the two of us, which I expected; wholeheartedly. I really just wanted to say that I was so-."

"No." I shook my head and held up my hand to stop her. "I don't want the apology... if we are going to talk, I want us to be real. I want to know why, because no matter how much I try to wrap my head around it; I can't."

"Neither can I." she snorted, as she leaned back in the couch, she nervously rubbed her forearms. "I keep trying to find the best excuse and it just... still doesn't make a difference."