Letters from India - Part 2

64. Swami's New Room & Reflections - Oct 1993

Swami’s New Room & Reflections

October 9, 1993

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Divya conveys her namaskars. I came to Prasanthi Nilayam on Tuesday night (October 5th) and Swami arrived here on the 6th at 5 PM. Somehow, I felt a force keeping me away from Prasanthi Nilayam all those days. The ceremonies for Venkamma were on the 4th and 5th morning; then at 12 noon on the 5th I suddenly felt the doors were open and I could return to Prasanthi Nilayam. Actually, I don’t like Brindavan at all! It is always wet and muddy, Darshan is far and the vibrations are like being in a jail, very low. Still, I guess it was good for me as I could be quiet for some days.

On the 7th, Swami gave a discourse in the Poornachandra. Thousands of devotees form Tamil Nadu state had come with many silver pairs of chappels (meaning shoes/slippers/thongs), representing Swami’s feet. Their plan was to install them in different centers in India, so all devotees could touch them with faith and the benefits would be the same as if they were touching Swami’s feet. Swami approved of this plan and blessed all the pairs of silver chapples.

Here after a relatively dry monsoon season, it is now raining regularly. The weather is cool and pleasant, not cold. Swami walks in the light sprinkles, while devotees await Him sitting on wet ground with mud-splattered saris! I always notice how the bottom of Swami’s robe, two to four inches, is soaking wet by the time He finishes Darshan.

His new home is mostly finished. It is brightly illumined at night and has an attractive verandah with gold-colored gates. There is no extension of the Poornachandra, only one room was built on the second story, on each side of the Poornachandra. They say that it took so long because it could not be too heavy, building on top. The constructors had to work hard so the additional weight could be borne. Meanwhile, the room on the other side of the Poornachandra is incomplete, and all day the workers are there building.

Some days at nights He comes and stands on the upper verandah and waves at the students, looks around, then goes inside. The upper verandah is perfectly seen from South A-13 room.

The new room is enclosed with heavy white-colored iron bars; which make poor Swami seem like a caged animal! Even downstairs the walkway is caged in, and He has to walk inside the cage to get inside the Poornachandra. There are big and small windows upstairs, all with the thick protruding cages, so of course we cannot tell when the windows are open or closed, and even if the light is on or not.

And of course, the entire area around the Poornachandra, the stupa and all the way up to the shops walkway is absolutely off limits.

As for me, most of the day is filled with waiting for Darshan and bhajan. I have also been cleaning South A-13 room, putting things neatly and throwing out old, rotting containers, to make it easier for whoever will eventually clean out the room. Amma’s memories and vibrations are thick in the room, I am finding it hard to meditate because it just seems like I am merging in her!

Amma’s son told me that he will not talk to the office about me, but only to Swami direct, and only when Swami asks him about the room. I have told her son that I would be happy if I could use a small room inside permanently (and if they want money, you may get a telegram from me asking for $3,000 or more!). Otherwise, I would not mind being on my own as I never expected any favors anyway. I was with Amma to serve her; this mind never considered taking advantage of the situation. So I would also be satisfied with nothing.

I also did not expect Amma to go so soon; I thought it would be two or three more years. But God is in control of birth and death. Ever since the “Event” in every discourse He has been stressing how when the time comes, nothing can prevent a death, even if God is right there He will not prevent it. We can only accept, which will make our lives much easier. No use in fighting something that we can't control!

She died mainly from the kidney failure, I think; as the cancer could have gone on for months. So it was Grace that she could be released soon. Her sister-in-law (Seshama Raju's wife) lay 7 months in the General Hospital here, bedridden with cancer, suffering a lot. So also many close people to Swami, like the head of the ashram Kutumba Rao (cancer), head volunteer Mataji (paralysis and brain tumor) and head volunteer of Brindavan Sarojamma (rectal cancer). Swami seems to give the hardest death to the people nearest to Him – those who have served Him the longest! I guess that could be called Grace also; removing karma to give (hopefully) moksha. Who knows how much karma He is removing unknown to us?

Amma had such an expansive heart, she gave whatever anyone asked of her. Grandchildren wanted material possessions – she gave them. Old ladies wanted a shed place – and she got office permission for them. Devotees wanted her Namaskar and vibhuti – she gave freely all her time. Others demanded front row – her word was enough for the devotees to get the coveted permission.

Her son never wanted anything and in fact, never came to her even – and she was pained that she could not offer him anything! I only wanted her company and she ended up keeping me near her 24 hours a day. She inspired me when I saw her totally loving, giving and selfless nature. She gave her love freely to absolutely everyone whom she came in contact with. She brightened up so many lives in so many ways. Now, all of Prasanthi Nilayam is so sad and affected by her departure.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya