Letters from India - Part 2

12. Sadhana of Silence - July 1989

Sadhana of Silence

July 24, 1989

Prasanthi Nilayam

Sai Ram All,

Now Venkamma has been extremely strict with me lately. I went back to going to her every night, but she insists I don’t say a word! I'm not allowed to say anything, except answer her questions, which she doesn’t ask often, maybe once in 2-3 days! I can't tell her even that I moved to the shed, or got your letters, or that I ate that day. The slightest comment on my part is looked upon as useless, wasted words, by her! It is extremely difficult testing, especially since I see her happily chatting with everyone else, about everything under the sun. Sigh – I suppose it is my sadhana lately. Japa is increasing, even in her presence!

I did venture to complain about the situation, but she only mumbled angrily about mine being a big Ramayana story. Then she went to her maid and was upset, saying, “What do you think of this – simply because I want her to keep quiet, she says I don’t want her here or that I'm angry! I don’t want to hear her Ramayana, I'm getting a headache (mumble, grumble, grumble).” Thus it goes on.

(Her maid got a very bad cold for a few days, then Venkamma was much nicer to me, talking and even half-way allowing me to do some of the work, but as soon as the maid could stand and walk again, Venkamma yelled at me, “Don’t sweep – let the maid do it! Don’t wash the clothes! Go, go – the rain will come and you have a long way to go to the sheds.”)

I have a very hard time believing she still likes me, through all this harsh treatment.

Swami has started to play soft, calming instrumental music during Darshan! People seem to like it; I think it’s a bit funny, like God giving a performance! One Darshan He even put on Western orchestra music!

Guru Purnima was nice – not so much rush. In the morning, the college boys played music on the verandah. Very nice but it seemed way too short. Then, a few bhajans, then all was over. Swami didn’t even give prasad.

In the evening, the Poornachandra was packed! I waited until after the rush, and then there was no place! The first time the foreigner’s section had filled up so fast!

Now I'm settled in the shed, and haven’t gone to the office since the 1st, when they gave permission up until 10 July. It looks like the shed will be open for some time to come. The owners that came to the room, will be leaving on the 25th. But I don’t think I want to risk going to the room again - that means facing the office! So I’ll wait till the shed closes, or until Sai goes to Whitefield. Either way means I have at least three days more, and at the most up until the next festival.

Love,

Divya

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Testing & Training with Venkamma

August 1989

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear All,

Thanks for the horoscope you sent of the Indian girl. Venkamma was very interested to see the fancy computer work of the horoscope and wanted you to make one for her great-granddaughter Vijay Sri (now 2 years old). If she ends up giving birth info, I’ll send it. She may not because later on, she got philosophical and told me, “Why horoscopes? What will happen, will happen in time, that’s enough.”

Venkamma seems to be a lot like Swami: tests and tests. I’ve finally learned that she doesn’t really mean it when she scolds for seemingly no reason. It’s just to test me, to see if I take everything with an equal mind! I discovered this after the last test only.