The Wolf

Ch. 36: It's Always Been You

~Nico~

Trigger warning: self-harm

"Hey, Nico, are you OK?" Luca inquires, his blue eyes stunning.

I shake out of my reverie and return to the task at hand. Luca is teaching me how to use healing magic. So far we've only practiced on plants, but I'm dying to try it on a person. Yet I'm glad that I haven't had the opportunity to, I don't want someone getting hurt.

"Nico..." Luca starts, "ever since the Alpha held you back at the end of the conference the other day, you've been acting funny."

I bite the inside of my cheek. The Alpha told the four of us to keep the mission a secret from everyone. Therefore, I can't even tell Luca, though I'm dying to. But I refuse to be the weakest link in our squad. A sliver of guilt stabs my heart as I think of Kayla, I want her to be the weakest link. I don't want to be the one dragging the team down.

Luca grabs my hand, pulling it away from the plant it was hovering over. "Nico."

Shyly, I meet his deep-blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Luca. It's just that the Alpha started assigning squads for the army we're gathering... and I got put with Alex and Kayla."

Luca frowns. "Why is it such a bad thing that you're put with Alex, despite him being an arrogant..." Luca cuts himself off.

"Well,  Alex and I have had a lot of bad blood between us, and Kayla is his girlfriend. Whom I may or may not have insulted multiple times." I mumble, looking down at my hands. I'm telling him the truth, just not all of it.

"What kind of bad blood?" Luca inquires, shifting on the bed.

I sigh and lean against his chest, looking up at the ceiling. "We were best friends forever when we were young, but then my mom, she put a spell on the two of us, that split us apart. Once Alex and I were reunited, Alex didn't like whom I'd become."

Luca puffs out a breath of air, leaning back against the wall, while I lay with my back against his chest. "I'm sorry, Nico. I don't think I can help in that department. Separated by magic for so long and then brought back together, yet he's not grateful at all and you don't sound too glad either."

"Well, you can't blame him. I did act really mean and lash out. But can you blame me? For the longest time, the only person I could trust was myself. I learned how to keep everything to myself. So when he comes in, demanding I open up to him, demanding I change back... Well, it's just impossible. Just like all things, I changed. I can't forget every memory I made during those 5 years. They're ingrained into me." I shiver as unwelcomed memories flood into my brain.

Luca wraps his arms around my waist. "Someone like Alex... Someone who has never gone through what you've gone through...it's hard for them to understand what exactly you experienced. It sucks that he didn't make a harder effort to understand, though. Maybe if you just told him what happened, then perhaps you wouldn't have to lose your friend. After all, no one is a mind reader."

I grit my teeth at the thought of telling Alex about my shameful past. What if even after I tell him he doesn't understand? What if he's afraid of me? I sit up, pushing Luca's arms aside, feeling irritable. I look at the wilted plant in front of me, healing it with a simple sentence. I flash Luca a smile. 

"Well, I'm going to read some more. So, I need you, to leave me alone." I give him a peck on the lips and a sly smile.

Luca wears his goofy smile as he returns my kiss and slides off the bed. He gets to the door before he turns around. "Nico, listen, if you ever need help explaining your situation to Alex, I can help you. I know it's hard, but you're not alone." Before listening to my reply, he closes the door with a soft click.