Unlikely Lovers

13: Connor

Connor got up Monday morning, and he was late. Zoe had already taken off without him, so he had to walk to school. Normally he would have been pissed off beyond belief, but Connor didn't actually mind this time. He took his time getting ready, making sure to tie his hair up before he left. He walked down the street with his headphones in listening to Panic! At the Disco, it was his good mood playlist. He smiled as "Ballad of Mona Lisa" came on, it was one of his favourites. He eventually got to school, with 10 minutes before class started which was quite a victory since he missed both his alarms and missed his carpool ride. He immediately went looking for Evan, but he was no where to be seen. He wasn't at his locker, or any of the benches outside. He was in none of the classrooms or the bathrooms. Connor was about to give up and just go to class when he caught a glimpse of the all-too-familiar blue polo disappearing down the hallway. Connor rushed after him, turning into the cafeteria. And there he was on the other side, Evan standing with his books in his hand talking to... Zoe? The two appeared to be deep in conversation, Evan stood awkwardly as Zoe smiled at something he said. Connor knew he should just walk to class and catch up with Evan later but there was something about this exchange that struck a nerve with him. He watched as Zoe giggled and battered her eyelids. She leaned in and whispered something as Evan shifted uncomfortably. But what happened next really set Connor off. Zoe leaned into Evan and kissed him. Swiftly, just a peck on the lips but boy it was enough. Connor stormed off in the other direction, trying to comprehend what he just saw. He was angry, furious even as he pushed past people in the hallways. But he couldn't contain himself any longer, he took a sharp right and ran for the bathroom. He locked himself in one of the stalls, resting his head against the looked door and just let the tears fall. He felt stupid. Of course Evan liked Zoe, he always had. It's not like he wrote "All my hope is pinned on Connor" in his letter or anything. He reached into his bag and grabbed the old letter out, the paper was all worn now with small rips tearing at the corners but Connor took it with him everywhere. And right now he wanted to rip it up, throw out, flush it, burn it. But he just didn't have the energy to. He folded the paper back up and slid it back into his backpack. He pulled his hair out and stuffed the hair-tie in his pocket. He was a fool to think things could change. Because Evan was right. This was not going to be an amazing year because why would it be? He was Connor Murphy. The emo, the freak, or whatever. There was nothing that could change that. No one that could change that.

...

By the time Connor got out of the bathrooms first period has well and truely started. He made his way slowly to his next class, trying to find the motivation to keep walking when all he wanted to do was curl up some place dark. Just as things couldn't get any worse, there was one other student walking the halls the same time as Connor, fighting with the hall pass ticket as he shuffled his feet down the corridor. Out of everyone in this school it had to be him didn't it? Evan Hansen. Evan looked up and smiled.

"Hey Connor I haven't seen you all morning where have you been?" At the point Connor was just sick of all this bullshit.

"Do you honestly think you can just come up to me and be like "Oh hey Connor buddy buddy" sorta thing with that stupid look on your face like nothing is wrong?" Evan stepped back.

"I ah, I'm- I'm sorry i don't, but i just." Connor sighed.

"For god's sake spit it out Hansen." Evan swallowed hard.

"I didn't know anything was wrong." He said quietly, shuffling his feet on the ground. Connor shook his head angrily.

"Really? I saw you this morning snogging my sister's face off Hansen so don't try to deny it." Evan bit his lip.

"Well you see, actually it was more like-" Connor put his hand up.

"Save it Hansen i don't care. You got what you wanted didn't you? I got a decent maths grade and now you got my sister's hands all over you and everyone is happy." Evan just stood there with his mouth open, trying to find the right words to respond. "This was never a friendship Evan," Connor could no longer hide how heartbroken he felt, "it was just a transaction." Connor went to walk off when Evan grabbed his arm.

"Connor please just talk to me." Evan pleaded. Connor turned around.

"I just. I thought with all the time we'd been spending together and that time at the park and with all those emails and texts between us that-" Connor voice broke as the tears began to roll down his face. Evan shook his head.

"That, that what? I don't, i dont understand Connor please." Connor shook his head and wiped his face with his sleeve.

"Fuck it. Just leave me alone alright?" And with that Connor pulled his arm away from Evan and stormed off. Connor bolted out the door of the school and ran back home, slamming the door behind him. He completely frightened his mother, who was not expecting to see her kids until the afternoon, but she didn't even have a chance to ask Connor why he was home so early. He bounded up the stairs and locked himself away in his room, collapsing on the floor. He just lay there, and slowly her curled himself up and just cried. Because there was nothing else he could be bothered to do. Everything just hurt, and he felt so tired. So tired of being tired. He reached for his stash under his bed. Truthfully Connor hadn't smoked weed in over a week, but he rolled up a joint, he couldn't fucking care less. He just lay there on his floor, lit the end and waited for the silence to take over.