The Birth of Claude

Chapter Two: [Part Three]

William sat at his chair at home. Thoughts of what had happened that day completely rattled him to his bones. He didn't know where to begin, where to end, or if he should even say anything about it to Sebastian. Would the man think he was being silly after getting so worked up over a drill? But, at the time it didn't feel like a drill. It felt real. William didn't understand feelings so he wondered if he should just ignore the whole thing and never mention a word. It wasn't that big of a deal, was it? He was so lost in thought that he hadn't heard a word of what Sebastian had said. He hadn't even noticed the man standing there. He hadn't noticed that his husband had entered the room or even said anything at all. Subconsciously, he'd responded to Sebastian as he usually did. His body must've recognized that he was there because William was staring right at the man without replying to him. 

William adjusted his glasses and tried to focus on the words Sebastian said. He couldn't. His mind trailed off. Eventually, Sebastian's mouth stopped moving. William didn't say anything. He inhaled and he exhaled and then replied, "Start from the beginning," hoping that Sebastian would start again and that he could follow him this time. Sebastian looked nervous. Had he heard about William's school intruder in the news? Or was this something entirely different? He couldn't tell. 

"I'll be coming home late for the next few weeks. There are some things I need to do at the school and if I don't get them done...it'll be hell for me," Sebastian said. William didn't understand why that was something he had to be so nervous about. Something else must've happened. He waited for more information to leave Sebastian's lips but when nothing came he decided to reply. 

"Michaelis," William folded his hands. He sighed. He usually sighed as a way of showing disapproval but in this case his sigh was an attempt to relieve himself from the discomfort. He was tense. He was still reliving the events from earlier in the day. When he realized that this was something he didn't want to talk about with Sebastian, he somehow understood why Sebastian might not want to talk about things with him. He wasn't angry about this. Things happened. Some things in life people just weren't ready to talk about. 

"This isn't the type of relationship where we have to be completely honest with one another. If you have something you don't want to tell me, I won't force it out of you, but in the future try not to make it so obvious that you're hiding something. Do you want me to go digging into your secrets out of curiosity?" William was speaking as he was talking to himself. He knew that there were things he didn't wish to say to Sebastian right now, and he hoped to the powers that be that he wasn't being obvious about hiding anything. He wouldn't look into Sebastian's current struggle, he had to focus on himself right now. So, he figured that was the best response he could give. He was fully prepared for Sebastian to exit the room, leave him alone, and not delve deeper into any of the issues, but Sebastian did none of those things. He sat down in his own chair opposite to William and continued to speak. 

"You've caught me," he said, sinking further into his chair, "There is this delinquent and they want me to 'tutor' him in hopes that my dashing good looks will cure his need to cause trouble." William sensed there was something Sebastian was purposefully leaving out about this problem child. Was this the same one that caused Sebastian to act weirdly before? The events took place too close to each other for it not to be. 

"So, you'll be staying after school to tutor him?" William asked. Truthfully, he didn't know what Sebastian expected him to say. 

"Yeah, that's the gist of it," Sebastian replied. William was skeptical. If Sebastian had truly just wanted to talk about his tutoring scenario, why didn't he just start with that? Or, perhaps he did and it was when William's brain was thinking about other things. William decided to give Sebastian the benefit of the doubt this time, just this once, because he didn't want to bother with looking into it further. 

"Why didn't you just say that to begin with? Is that really something you have to try and hide? Or, is there something else you aren't telling me? Are you planning on seducing this student?" William replied without intending to. Some of his thoughts made themselves vocal. The last part surprised himself. Seducing his student? There was an idea. William fully expected that kind of behavior from Sebastian. What he didn't expect...was that kind of behavior from himself. He'd pinned Grell to the wall putting them in a compromising position. Why was it only now that he realized how Grell might've interpreted that? Well, this was definitely going on the list of things he never wished to confess to Sebastian. Pinning an innocent stranger to a wall wasn't something a married man should do. 

"I'm not a goddamn pedophile, William," Sebastian looked agitated by the question. William wasn't sure if this agitation was because Sebastian did have feelings for the student and didn't want to admit them...or because he truly was angry about the insinuation of being a pedophile. 

"Well then, there really isn't anything worth hiding is there? Honestly Michaelis, what you do in your spare time is no concern of mine but I do appreciate the courtesy of informing me that you'll be coming back later than usual," William noticed that his words were colder than usual. He was trying to maintain his shock, feelings, whatever was going on inside him. He was trying to convey the message that he had his own secrets he didn't wish to tell Sebastian. But, he might've gone about it the wrong way. It wasn't supposed to be this harsh, it just happened. 

"Ah, yeah, you're welcome," Sebastian stood up and left. William knew something was wrong. He knew he should apologize for being so...well...him. It took him a while but William stood up and followed Sebastian. He was going to enter the bedroom, (the place Sebastian had gone) but the mumbling caused his body to stop. Sebastian was saying something, William could hear it, and knew Sebastian didn't want him to hear it. So, he stopped. He stood outside the door and listened. This was just as wrong as saying harsh things, but William couldn't move from this spot. 

"I wonder, does that guy feel anything at all?" Sebastian's whispers rang loud and clear in William's ears. "I know that it's a coping mechanism. I know that it's hard for him to express himself...but, just once, it would be nice to have him say something, anything, about how he feels about me. I can't be the only one that cares, can I?"

The words struck a chord within William. He retreated to his office. He closed the door. He locked it. And, he slid down it to sit on the floor behind it. "I feel things," he grabbed his chest. "I do feel things, Michaelis," he whispered to himself and allowed the feelings to come. The shock was gone. It was just the fear, the anger, the resentment, the sorrow, the guilt, everything he'd felt during the day but repressed was coming out now, because of something Sebastian had said. 

"I feel too many things," he grabbed his head and curled up into a ball as the familiar warm liquid cascaded down his face. But, he didn't have someone to embrace him like Grell had clung to him earlier. He couldn't run into Sebastian's arms. It wasn't like him. It was out of character, and it would make Sebastian realize the gravity of what he'd said. He would know that William had heard him. And, William would have to explain the day's earlier events. He didn't want any of that. He just wanted to go back to how he was. He wanted to be calm, cold, and unfeeling. 

"I feel too many things," he repeated as he curled up into a ball on the floor. Stopping the feelings after the feelings had come was the most difficult part. But, eventually, he would return to normal, whatever 'normal' was.