My little Rants/ Side thoughts

Introduction

Look, this is awkward. Especially 'cause people I know can read this, but we all have our own way of venting. I'm not good at "feelings." I smile more than you clinically should, but I digress. Spreading joy is my main priority. It's one of thing I'm good at, so I made it my mission to do just that. I even told myself "you're not allowed to be depressed at school, it only makes things worse." So if I lose it, you might have an idea why. 

As unhealthy as it is, I internalize a lot. I learned from a young age to avoid feelings. Often I keep things to myself to protect myself or those around me. Every time I've opened up to people I thought I could trust I've been betrayed, blackmailed, or hurt. I've gotten a lot better, for example it's easier for me to talk to people. Like if you knew me when I was in middle school, I barely talked to anyone. Slowly, I've gotten to the point where now it doesn't really bother me to talk to people. 

I just avoid talking about myself because then people ask questions which lead to answers of painful memories. Commanding has helped with that too. Even though I'm not a commander right now, I bonded with some of them. We have these understood invisible barriers of topics that no one brings up, and God I love it.

I talk to a lot of people, JROTC is like a second home to me. It's where I can be myself,but I can also be a better person. They push me to do better in everything that I do. They except me just the way I am. I might lose it every now and then sightly or out loud, but they let me cool off and don't bring it up again unless something is really bad.

Author's Note:

To my JROTC family I love you guys, you know who you are. Thanks for accepting all my cringe. Even if I seem off sometimes, just know that it's usually not you guys. If I go off, just make sure I don't kill some innocent person. If anyone messes with you guys, there's no promises on if they'll survive. Jk x) For real though if you need anything, I'm here for you.

I'm out

-CoolfriendNR