Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 32: You're a Terrible Liar

Ok, so here is the next chapter... the truth will be told... 

This is one of the longer chapters & POV switches a few times, hope it isn't too confusing. 

I love the song by the way, it's one of my FAVES. 

Hope you enjoy. PLEASE vote & comment. 

Thanks, Crissy =:)

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Recap chap 31:

I crushed her to me and conveyed my sympathy with my lips. I kissed her with compassion and love. It was all I could have done. Though I wished I could have taken all of her misery and swallowed it down.

She had been scarred by tragedy. We both had. Sometimes the scars never healed.

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Chapter 32: You're a Terrible Liar

Arianna POV

I'd done all I could have to have kept my last secret from Xavier, though it had grown harder every day. I looked into his eyes, so full of happiness, and lied to his face. My heart was desolate, a black hole of misery and shame. I couldn't have told him the truth about the baby now, he would have been devastated. He wasn't suspicious though. I was thankful for that.

But still, I carried my guilt like a heavy burden that weighed me down. It made it harder to have looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I'd seen there. I was an awful person, an awful person who'd hidden a horrendous truth from the man I loved.

Instead of truth, I conspired against him with his brother, a man I used to love and still had in some ways, to keep the secret from Xavier. I wore my veil of shame and fear every day, but I was the only one who could have seen it. I was tormented by the thought of who my baby's father could have been. But what was done, was done. I couldn't have changed it if I had tried, no one could have. I resigned to think that Xavier was the father. I had to believe it, I had no other choice.

That day I had seen Dr. Wesley for my 4 month check up. Had it been two months already? It seemed like only yesterday when I'd found out I was pregnant. Demitri said the baby had progressed nicely, right on schedule. Of course that was on the schedule of a half vampire-half human. My abdomen was abundant. It swelled like I'd swallowed a beach ball. I couldn't have imagined what I would have looked like at the end of my pregnancy, in another 3 months.

Dr. W. was concerned. He explained that my body had shown signs that it hadn't tolerated the pregnancy as well as he had hoped. My heart rate had slowed and some of my organ function lagged. 'It's nothing to worry yourself about Arianna.' He'd said, but I still had that horrifying ominous feeling. What was one more thing to distress over when I had already had so many others? Namely, Xavier finding out that Ronan had raped me and may very well have been the father of my baby. No cause for concern there.

I sat in my darkened room and mulled things over. I wallowed in my self-pity like a filthy pig muddied himself in his pen. I cried my shameful tears as I so often had. I was startled by a gentle knock at the door. I hadn't felt like I was able to heave myself up and answer it, so I called to the visitor to let themselves in. I was relieved when Zander approached me. At least I hadn't needed to have lied to Xavier's face again quite so soon.

"Good afternoon Aria. How was your visit to Dr. W.?" He inquired pleasantly, but I saw that he had more on his mind. He was always protective, always concerned. He was the brother I never had yet always wanted. He was a great friend and I loved him dearly for it.