Blurry is the Line Between Love and Lust: A Tears of Shame Novel [EDITING]

Chapter 11: Self-Loathing

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Recap chap 10:

"Aria, I love you, more than Selene, more than I've loved anyone. I will have you, in all the ways I promised." I wanted to protest, but there was nothing I could have said. I knew I wanted him too, though it killed me to have admitted it. I had my truth, I just hadn't wanted to admit it.

He left me to my thoughts, left me the time I needed to come to terms with myself. The line between love and lust was very thin, and it was blurrier by the minute.

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Chapter 11: Self-Loathing

Arianna POV

I stood in front of the mirror and admired the sight before me. The dress was lovely, a deep teal to match my eyes. Soft satin hugged my shoulders, and gave way to a heart shaped neckline that melded into a tight bodice. Billowy layers covered my hips and fell loosely to my ankles. My hair was pinned gently atop my head with wisps of hair that framed my face. It was a beautiful sight, breathtaking.

But I hadn't felt beautiful, I felt monstrous, hideous. Shadows of guilt leaked from my soul. How could I have stood next to Selene? Faced her, faced Ronan, and faced Xavier, knowing what I'd done. I wanted to die. I wanted to fall into the black hole in my heart. I had to get it together. I couldn't have let this show on my face.

I wished the King hadn't ignored Xavier's request. He went to his father, begged to be removed from the wedding proceedings, but the King refused him. It would have shown weakness if the Prince hadn't stood beside his brother and celebrated his union. We couldn't have that. We wouldn't have wanted King Asteroth to look foolish before his subjects, both vampire and human. He decided no transgression had occurred since no 'rules' were broken. Neither Ronan, nor Xavier were happy with the decision. But they were left with no choice. The King's decisions were final.

I begrudgingly went to the sitting room to help Selene get ready. I never wanted to do it, knowing the way I felt about the man she was going to marry. Suck it up. Do your duty as future Princess and Queen. I paused a long moment, let out a deep breath and all the guilt inside along with it. I opened the door and my gaze fell upon Selene. 

She stood before the window, looked rather beautiful. Her dress was similar to mine, but white, beaded and sluttier. How fitting. I couldn't let the venom in my thoughts show on my face.

"Selene, you look lovely." I announced pleasantly.

"Dear Arianna, how nice of you to join me. I wasn't sure you could... tear yourself away from Ronan." She commented, her voice steady and calm. I stood there, shocked, like I was punched in the chest.