Recovering

Gaji Ma

I woke up in Becca's living room. The sun was already up and a ray of sunshine hit my face. I sat up carefully and saw that everyone was asleep in a circle around me. A slightly smiled when I saw how Jake and Corey were sleeping. Wrapped in each other's arms and cuddled next to each other.

My little smile though quickly disappeared as every thing in my mind came running back. I felt someone tap my shoulder and I turned around to see Sabrina. "Good morning."

"Good morning." I mumbled.

"I know it's really early, but can we talk? If you don't want to though, it's okay." She said, walking around the couch and standing in front of me.

"Sure. Let's talk." She relaxed a bit when I responded back.

She took a breath before speaking. "I want to start off by saying I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked.

"Everything. Not being with you, putting distance between us, letting Joey come between us, and messing up your life I guess." She said.

"You didn't fuck up my life. We were a break anyway so it would have been natural that you would see someone else and that we wouldn't talk as much." I explained, patting her shoulder and then retracting my hand.

She shook her head. "No. Relationships or not, I still wanted us to be as close as we were when we were little." She said.

"I don't think that would have been possible. We are both adults now and we had to grow up at some time. We would've eventually have to grow apart at some point."

"But not growing apart, hating each other. Like you and Row did."

"I don't hate you or Rowan. I told you both that." I said. "And when people use the term 'hating each other' it means that there is a mutual hate between them. So are you saying that you hate me?"

She quickly shook her head no. "No. You're overthinking."

"I always overthink things. You know that." I said and tried to distract myself by playing with the rubber bands on my wrist.

She grabbed both of my hands to get me to stop. "Don't do that. Just focus on me." She said. But every time I do, it hurts.

"It calms me." I said, moving my hands.

"Have you ever tried yoga?" She asked.

"I did, but it didn't work."

"What about meditating?"

"No."

"Well then, do you want to try? Or do you remember how your mom did it?"

"She's not my mom. She's my adoptive mom." I said.

She looked surprised to hear that. So was I when I found out last week. "She still raised you and cared for you like you were her own. Blood doesn't mean that you were any less of her daughter, or that she was less than your mother." She said.

"Why doesn't it?"

"Well you don't have to be blood related to be a family. Like with your dad. You two are blood related, but you're not a family." She said, bringing up a sensitive topic.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said.

"Did I say something wrong?" She asked, worried.

"No. You're okay. I just don't want to talk about this anymore." I lied.

"Bea-" She started.

"Don't call me Bear or Bearbear." I said. "How many times do I have to tell you guys not to call me that?"

"I'm sorry. That's been your nickname since we were kids. I guess it's just going to take a while for me to not call you that anymore." She said. "Why don't you want us calling you that anymore?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Come on. You can tell me Y/N." She said, softly.

"I-I just don't want to be called that." She had a concentrated look as she started analyzing me. "You changed more than I thought." She said and before I could respond, I noticed that the others had disappeared. I guess they woke up while we were talking.

"Well yeah. I grew up." I said.

"That's not what I meant." She said and stood up. "And I'm not going to tell you what I meant. I'm going to give you some space and let you get some rest."

Thoughts ran through my head, as it kept saying what I wanted to say to her. Please don't leave me alone. Stay with me. Tell me how the old happy me was. Help me figure out how to be her again. Help me. But most of all, don't leave...

"Gaji ma." I said.

"What?" She asked, turning around. Don't leave.

I shook my head with a slight fake smile. "Nothing." I said. She nodded and turned back around and left. I layed on the couch and faced the back of it. Silent tears ran down my face, just as I was silently screaming for help. Yet again, no one noticed.

...

Jake's POV

Gaji ma... she told her not to leave.

I was hoping Sabrina would have gotten it, but she didn't and left. "Good morning." Sabrina said when she walked into the kitchen, were all of us were.

"Gaji ma means don't leave." I said to her. "She didn't want you to leave. She doesn't want you to leave." I left Sabrina in there with a look of realization on her face.

Not even a minute later I saw her next to Y/N, holding her and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I smiled at them two and walked away so they wouldn't know that I was watching them.

...

Sabrina's POV

"Y/N, tell me what you want. What you really want right now." I said as I walked back to Y/N after what Jake told me.

"Gaji ma. Please gaji ma." She said in one of the most heartbreaking tones, her voice raspy and I could hear teardrops falling onto the couch.

"I won't. I promise." I said, laying down next to her and hesitatingly putting my arm around her. "Can I?" I asked and she nodded. I pulled her closer to me and held her protectively. She layed her head on my chest, sobbing. "It's okay, Y/N. You're okay."

She shook her head. "N-no I-I'm not. I'm really not. I d-d-did-didn't realize that un-til now." She said, more tears falling down her face.

"Sabrina, I think- no. I know I need help, and I want help this time." She said, sobbing. "I-I don't want to be like this anymore."

I lightly kissed the top of her head.

"Don't worry. I promise that I'll help you." I said and then started calming her down by whispering sweet things into her ear and then I started singing a song to her.

She gradually stopped crying and when I looked at her, she was sound asleep. I stayed in the same position and went back to sleep as well.