Todoroki Shouto

Selfharm part 1

You had a bad day with your depression again. Actually, it had been like that for a while now. You were just laying on the floor of your dorm room, listening to music on your headphones. You felt numb. You hated that feeling. You wanted to feel something, anything. Anger, happiness or sadness even pain would be fine. Just something else then this overwhelming numbness that was drowning you. So you got up and headed to your drawer. You pulled out a razor blade you had in there for times like these. You sat on the floor, leaning your back against the bed.

Todoroki had noticed that you were pretty down lately and had decided to go and see you, to cheer you up. When he got to your door he noticed it wasn't locked. That was unusual for you. Your door was never unlocked. Maybe you had just forgotten. He walked in without knocking. Todoroki didn't really realize what was going on. He just stood there, looking at you with wide eyes, not being able to move due to his shock.

You had frozen in place, looking at him. Why was he here? Why didn't he knock? He wasn't supposed to see this, not him. You didn't know what to do, or say. The razor blade slipped from your fingers. The small sound it created when hitting the floor, felt deafening in the silence. All this happened in a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours had passed when you finally regained your ability to speak.

"Shouto...Why..." you stuttered.

Your voice returned his ability to move and he was kneeling before you in an instant. He was checking that the cuts on your wrist weren't too serious. Then he got some medical supplies from the first aid kit you had on your table. He didn't say anything while he was treating your wrist. He didn't know what he should say to you. He didn't want you to do something like this to yourself. He never wanted to see you hurt. When he finished bandaging your wrist, he sat down next to you. He didn't know if he should hug you, or just let you be.

You just sat there for a while. You didn't know how go explain this to him. You never wanted to explain this to him, because you knew this hurt him more then it hurt you. Shouto was the person you never wanted to hurt. Not him, not this boy who had gone through so much already. You didn't want him to hurt because of you.

"Why would you do this?", he asked quietly, stopping your inner rambling.

"My depression has been bad lately, and the feeling of being so numb has been driving me crazy and I just didn't know how to deal with it.", you blurted out.

It was the truth. The painful stupid truth. You knew it sounded idiotic, but that's how it was. Sometimes the anxiety was drowning you and sometimes it was the numbness. There was no good reason to cut, you knew that, but the physical pain was the only thing that could distract you from the emotional one.

"Just talk to me, you know I care about you so much. I don't want to see you hurt yourself.", he said.

"But I don't want to make you feel bad by bothering you with all my worries."

"You could never make me feel bad, except with this." -he pointed at your writs.

You were always keeping everything inside. You never told anyone much of anything, because you hated bothering other people. But now there he was. Sitting there with you, so worried about you. His warm eyes where looking at yours and all you could see in them was immense love and worry, for you.

"I love you Shouto and I never wanted to hurt you with this."

"I know. I promise you I'll help you work through this. You'll get better in time and I want to support you. Please, never hurt yourself again, if you get the urge to, just come to me. Even if it's in the middle of the night. I love you and I never want to see you hurt."

You were happy, happy that such a beautiful human being was in love with you. Someone who really cared and wanted the best for you. You had nothing to say anymore. Your eyes were brimming with tears of both happiness and sadness. You were sad about hurting him, but happy that he cared about you so much. You leaned in to kiss him and he crashed his lips to yours. The kiss was passionate and comforting. Your kiss tasted a bit salty because you were crying but he didn't mind and neither did you. You were both damaged people, but you were happy. Happy to be together and happy to be in love with each other. Happy that you knew you could always trust in each other no matter the situation. After the kiss you pressed your foreheads together and looked each other in the eye. You both smiled and said:

"I love you."