Silence

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(A/N: Holy budder apples! So many updates! I've been meaning to update dis for a while, so yeah. That's why there's been so many lately! :3 Enjoy doods. It'll get better after dis, this is just kind of a filler chapter. Btw, I need some new characters to be rebels in the next few chapters! Leave a description of your character in the comments if you want to be a part of dis story! Stay AWSHUM for mah doods! Squeaks! 😎)

SSundee's POV

I stared at my friends as they slept. They didn't know. None of them knew. Lately, my dreams had had messages embedded in them. Someone was sending them to me. They had to be able to wield magic somehow. I placed my head in my hands and listened to the dying crackles of the fire. The flames were hypnotic, dancing and snapping at me. I stared at them through my fingers, watching them. Even though I had my friends, I'd never felt more alone in my life. Derp was silent in my head. The trees were rustling gently in the breeze. The moon was high above me, the stars mapping out the universe in the sky. I sighed. Silence. A chance to hear my own thoughts above everyone else's. I couldn't be selfish. I had had to suffer in the past, the same as everyone else. But now, I couldn't help but wonder if there really was a god out there, and if so, did he hate me or something? A low growl escaped me. These days, I just wanted to be me, but I was scared. I didn't know if I was me anymore, or if I was only qualified to be the murdering psychopath I was always destined to become. I laughed quietly. Someone's feeling morbid. I was allowed a few hours of self pity, surely. I stood up. I needed to walk. Get away from the hurt.

The forest was quiet, muffled by the night's black cloak that swooped over it. Wolves howled quietly in the distance. I listened to them. They were allowed to unleash their savagery in words, why not me? 'Because you're human', I reminded myself. How sickening to realise I wasn't even sure of that fact anymore. My soul was conflicted. The blame is mine alone to take though. I can't run from what I've done anymore. It's killing me to do so. But to stand and take it...that would hurt more. I needed help. A second opinion. I sighed heavily. "Um...I want an honest opinion, aside from your bloodthirsty intentions. What should I do?" Silence. I don't really know what I was expecting. Then, I jumped as his rasping tones echoed in my mind. "An honest opinion? How delightful." I frowned, waiting. "I think you should kill them." I rolled my eyes. "I seem to recall asking you to put your 'bloodthirsty intentions' aside." He snorted. "Well, you did want an honest opinion didn't you?" I sighed. "Never mind." I walked on and sat down on a decaying log. All around me the silent forest breathed silently in the silent night. I groaned. Too much silence. I needed noise to coordinate my thoughts. This stupid silence was smothering me. "I think that you should do what you're doing, kill the rebel threat, and then...then what?" I sighed. "I-I don't know. I didn't get any further than that." "Well, aren't you a master of forward thinking?" I snarled. "Just shut up Derp, alright? I've had enough of the crap you say and make me do. You're the reason I nearly killed my own friends today."

It came out harsher than intended. It sounded like an animal inside of me had stirred and lashed out in fear. That's what I wanted though. "...however much you may hate me saying this, not that I care, you hate me anyway-" "Spit it out." "You're sounding more and more like me everyday." I fought off more tears. I felt stupid, crying over something like this. I was broken though, and I wasn't sure what it would take to fix me, if it was at all possible to do so. "I-I know." When Derp spoke again, to my surprise, it was in a way I'd never heard from him before. "You always knew this would happen...but I want to know, why do you fight it? Why not let go?" "Because I don't want to end up a monster like you, killing people for fun and destroying the fragile bonds I make with those who try to help me." There was silence, then: "You're only making this worse for yourself..." I growled, and he was gone. Then there was just silence again, and I was once more alone. Alone with the doubts and hurt in my head that tortured me more than the guilt. Knowing I'd killed, and enjoyed it. It wasn't so bad really. Lots of animals enjoyed killing. I froze. Had I just called myself an animal? The tears that had been threatening to come spilled from my eyes as I hid my face in my hands once more. I was doubting my existence as a human, so that must be right. I'm an animal. A cold-blooded, savage animal.

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