Chapter Twenty-six: Small Words

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He wasn't her father. The Dragon hadn't been related to her at all. She'd never considered him as her father, but it still jarred her. After so many years of believing that he was at least, by law, related to her, the truth came as a stunning shock to Madison. All those times he'd said he'd adopted her, had been a lie.

She felt stupid for ever having believed him, but even Momma had said it was so. An eight-year-old had believed the lie and had spent all those years thinking her father was having sex with her.

Izzy held and hugged Madison while Terry held Madison's hand. Though Madison couldn't stop crying, she felt some relief knowing she hadn't been the adopted daughter of that monster. He wasn't any relation to her. None at all. A tiny shred of relief came from knowing that. The knowledge, however, didn't go very far to dim the pictures crouching in the corners of her mind, waiting for a chance to take her over and finish the movie.

A part of her still feared that if she didn't, the Dragon would hurt her. He had tight control over her.

Self-inflicted pain gave her some of that control-- the cutting pain, the kind that came from a razor or a knife. Even a safety pin. She couldn't control the abuse, but it was tempting to know she could control some of the pain, and make it stop; the cutting hurt, but she could make that pain stop. That was the one thing in her life she could control.

"Maddie." Terry's grip on her hand didn't let up. "Talk to me. I don't want you to get sucked into that flashback again."

"He usually kept a knife in the bathroom."

"Pardon?"

"The Dragon. He kept it under the towels, and when I was bad, he'd put it to my throat. The first time I found it, I used it to cut the rope, but I couldn't get away from him and he switched me to a chain."

"Maddie, let's talk about something else."

She nodded, didn't bother to dry the wet on her cheeks and kept going. "I tried to kill him once, but he wouldn't bleed as much as I thought he would. He beat me so bad my eyes swelled shut, and after that, I only used the knife to cut myself."

"Did he know you were doing that? Using it to hurt yourself?"

"As long as I didn't get sick and make trouble for him, he didn't care. Before he came to bed, he would put the knife out of my reach. He was afraid I'd kill him in his sleep."

"Maddie, think about something else."

"He didn't want me to get sick."

"Maddie--"

"Don't get sick, and don't get pregnant. If I ever needed to see a doctor in a bad way, he promised to kill me first."

"Do you want to move into the living room and watch TV?"

"I was so afraid of getting pregnant. Whenever he found out I was late for my period, or that I'd missed it altogether and had kept it a secret, he'd go ballistic, drag me onto the floor and kick my stomach."

For a very long minute, Terry said nothing.

"I wanted a baby, but each time my period started again, I tried to be glad. He would've only hurt it."

"Maddie, please."

"I want to stop remembering, but one thing reminds me of another, and they just keep coming." Madison felt desperately stuck, like she was made of the hardest, most heaviest kind of stone there was, a stone that could never be changed or moved. She feared she'd always be like this. "Terry, when will I forget?"

When Terry didn't answer, she smeared her tears against Izzy's shoulder, and looked at him.

Controlled rage simmered in Terry's eyes. His jaw muscles worked overtime, and his free hand kept flexing, as though he were fighting to not ball it into a fist. He was angry with the Dragon.

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