29.
Napatingin at napanganga ang mga guards at mga maids upon seeing me parked my car. Maybe they think that the prodigal daughter is back. Dumiretso ako sa living room and saw Johann and Jeannie playing their PSPs on the couch. They are both 30 years old but they never grow up.
Hindi nila ako napansin nung pumasok ako.
“Manang Nilds, Juice please.” Akala siguro ni Johann ako si Manang Nilda kaya inutusan niya ako.
“Ohhhhh sh!t! Sh!t! Sh!t! Ooooohhhhhhhh! Damn!”
“Will you stop that Paolo?”
“What’s wrong with you? Galingan mo kasi para manalo ka. Kulang ka na sa practice Johann. Ooooooohhhh Shiiiiit! Whew!”
“It’s irritating!”
“What!?”
“You sound as if you’re reaching orgasm.”
“It’s not my fault if you’re such a per…..Oooohhhhhhhhh..” Napanganga si Paolo upon seing me sa doorway. “What the hell!” Isn't he glad to see me?
“Joanne Phoebe?”
“Baby koooooooooooooo! Bumalik ka naaaaaaaaaaa!”
“Bakit namumugto…”
“Not a word from you two.” I then went upstairs at dumiretso sa room ko. I even overheard them talking.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Same old, same old.”
“Oh sh!t!”
“What?”
Pagkapasok ko sa room ko bigla akong napalabas and I shouted!
“Where is my LCD TV!!!”
“I told you not to take it. She’ll go ballistic if she found out.”
“We borrow it for a while baby ko. The maid will return it in a minute.” Tumalikod na lang ako. But I overheard Johann say,
“You’re lucky, she’s brokenhearted.”
“Thank God!”
After hearing that I went inside my room and slammed the door. After a while dumating ang helper at kinabit ang tv ko.Binuksan ko ang TV and watch spongebob but after a few minutes of watching, I burst out crying. Nagmumukhang Oca na si Spongebob and I hate it. Pinatay ko ang tv at nag iiyak hanggang sa makatulog ako. Pero ang masama hanggang sa pagtulog ko umiiyak pa din ako and I dreamt of Oca saying nothing but “nothing else”. I wanted to kill myself para lang hindi na marinig ang mga pinagsasabi niya. But for no reason at all I can’t kill myself because I don’t have the strength to do so. I keep on shouting for him to stop but walang lumalabas na boses. Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak. When I woke up, Basang basa ng luha ang unan ko. NI hindi ako nakapagpalit ng damit. Hinang hina ang katawan ko na parang di ako natulog. I hate this feeling. I really really hate this feeling. I feel like a zombie. I feel numb all over.
Tumayo ako and take a bath. It’s 8AM already at maingay na sa labas. Binuksan ko ang kwarto ko and I saw Paolo playing the Piano and Johann is watching him with disgust.
Nung bumaba ako ngumiti si Paolo sa akin and sang the chorus of the song he is playing.
I was afraid this time would come
I wasn't prepared to face this kind of hurtin' from within
I have learned to live my life beside you
Maybe I'll just dream of you tonight
And if into my dream you'll come and touch me once again
I'll just keep on dreaming till my heartaches end
Johann gave me a bored look. I ignored them and went to the dining room. Kahit ang zombie nagugutom din.
After a while Paolo started playing a different song and he sang it. Napatigil ako sa pagpunta sa dining room when I heard it.
My morning starts to shine with teardrops in my eyes
And here I am alone starting to realize
That my days would be brighter
If I could learn to hide
The feelings that I have for you
Keep hurting me inside
Then my day begins with simple thoughts of you
Hoping that tomorrow will be me and you
Sharing dreams with each other
And making them come true
Holding one another
Saying "all I need is you"
But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always be with you
Now my nights would end with just one wish, that’s you
To hold me in the dark and help me make it through
’cause the pain that’s inside me
Would simply melt away
If I had you here with me
And promise me you’d stay
But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always be with you
But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always
My love will always be with you
“Will you stop that?” I overheard Johann saying.
“What’s wrong with me playing piano? Naiinsecure ka na naman sa akin.”
“Bakit ako maiinsecure sayo? Di mo ba nakikita? Brokenhearted si Joanne tapos mga ganyang tugtog pa ang pinapatugtog mo. Gusto mo bang maglaslas yan?” Yeah, talk as if I'm not here and as if I can't hear you. Tsss.
“Nakikiramay lang naman ako sa puso niyang luhaan. Palibhasa ikaw walang pusong kapatid. Can’t you feel her pain? Can’t you see the bleeding of her heart? We should share her sorrow and her pain.” I feel sick upon hearing Paolo’s words. Are they really my brothers? Di kaya ampon lang sila and Mom and Dad doesn’t know that they both came from a family of lunatic?
“Kahit kailan talaga napakakunsintidor mo. Instead na pangaralan mo siya dahil hindi na yan natututo, kinukunsinti mo pa. Kaya hindi natututo eh. Binebaby mo palagi. Paano tatanda yan?”
“Tssss….Calm down bro. What do you want me to do? Lock her up para hindi maligawan at hindi magkaboyfriend? Sayang naman ang magandang lahi natin kung ganun. She’s old enough. Kaya na ngang mag isa di ba? Kung iibig ka masasaktan ka talaga. When you say I love you to a person, it’s like giving him the license to hurt you. He said dreamily na parang umiinom ng coke. At pwede ba wag mo akong pangaralan sa pagiging kunsintidor, tandaan mong mas matanda pa rin ako sayo.”
“Bakit ako ang sinisisi mo sa font color ko. Sisihin mo ang tangnang author yan. Ang daming kasing kaartehan sa katawan.”
Then I heard a bang. Napatakbo ako sa living room and I saw Johann sprawling on the floor swimming on his own blood with a hole on his head. It seems that the author kills Johann. Joke lang.
“Ma’am Joanne, may bisita po kayo.” Napatingin kaming lahat sa maid na nagsalita.
Then my nightmare emerge from the doorway. I feel like vomiting.
