Isolated

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

There were a lot of little memories in this truck. Ones that helped us along and made us grow closer before. I felt those hit me when he started to drive closer and closer to my house. It just made me want to escape this space I was in now with him. I didn't know how much more of this I could handle. Not to mention, I didn't know how much I should handle.

So when Luke got about a block away from my house, I made him pull over onto the side of the road. The streets empty with nothing but cement and moonlight reflecting, sidewalks laced with shadows from scattered trees in lawns... I knew it was a good place to drop me off. If he gets any closer to my house and I might throw a fit because this alone was practically asking for someone to shoot us in the head. And honestly folks, after so much, is that how you would want to go? I didn't think so.

We sat there in his truck silently for what seemed to be too long. Too long to be safe and comfortable. And yet, even with his presence and those memories spinning in my head, with wanting to escape... I didn't know when I would see him again. He would surprise me he said, which was just peachy. Who knows, it might bring a nice little show. I could faint again. It's not like I'm exactly use to him being here and have accepted it fully yet. Either way, putting aside that, I was more concerned than anything about his safety.

"Luke," I whispered gently, glancing over to where he was sitting in the dark beside me. His eyes stared blankly out the windshield and with the few street lights, I could see his dead gaze steady on nothing. When I said his name, he removed his hands from the wheel with a sigh and sat back slightly as he looked over to me with a sad look. One... one that made what I had to say next quite hard. But I had to. "The next time we meet... it has to be the last time. It has to be," I whispered with a shaky voice.

He looked at me, just staring blankly for the longest moment, before he finally swallowed. He even looked a little more pale at my words and it made my heart ache. Luke had to understand this couldn't last... and though I saw he clearly didn't like that, I saw he accepted it had to be that way. I watched in a sad state as he lowered his eyebrows and pursed his lips. It was a look that made the hair on my arms stand on end and instantly, I almost wish I could take my words back. I knew I still wanted him to be mine. I wanted to be selfish and do anything in my power to make him happy. I would give anything for that. But I knew I couldn't and it had to stay that way. It hurt, deeply it did terribly. Even when he agreed. It was like I almost wished he had fought me on the issue. "I understand. I know you're right. This is too selfish to keep putting you in danger--"

"And you. You're in danger too."

He nodded solemnly and looked down at the seat under us and didn't meet my eyes. I saw a soft smile come to his lips after a moment. And for that moment, as I watched him with curious eyes, I saw a glint I haven't seen in a long time. One that wasn't guarded like he has been since I first saw him after all this time. It was strange and very intriguing. And heart breaking too at knowing I won't see it much after this. It matched his words he spoke as he shook his head slowly. "We never did get it...." he whispered.

"What are you talking about?" I asked in a soft voice.

His eyes looked up into mine, piercing mine with a mesmerized gaze. "Do you remember how I always told you we would be free one day? How we would make it and everything would be okay? How we would end all this bullshit? Well it... it never happened," he paused in the gentle and shockingly vulnerable voice he possessed. Then... he spoke again and it tore at me. "I lost you to it.... I'm very sorry," he told me in a soft voice, even as his eyes remained cautious. But cautious with obvious signs of turmoil behind it that made my stomach turn. He spoke rarely like this I could tell after three years. Staring at me, I understood why he said that. Because he really was sorry even with it not being his fault.