Isolated

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

The reason I was so anxious to get in the shower had to do with wanting to feel clean and be away from everything. I didn't want to feel as dirty as I did in those slutty clothes. I also wanted time to process this long day. But... there were more reasons for wanting a shower, reasons only my subconscious was able to identify with. I wish my stupid subconscious would have told me though. I didn't expect to react the way I did after I stepped into the hotel shower.

The moment the water hit my skin, I let out a sigh of relief. It was warm, soothing, a break. It felt wonderful, those first two seconds that I stepped into the hotel bathtub. The warm droplets made me happily walk fully under the haze of water. After such a long and insane day, this was heaven.

However, after a couple of seconds of letting the water surround me, the fact that I was alone set in. Alone. It was beautiful. There was nobody to see me, hear me, judge me. It was a luxury but also a key that didn't hesitate to allow the flood gates to open. And they did, ambushing me hard.

It happened the moment I looked down at my body and the bathtub floor. Finally seeing the blood in the best light, seeing how much there was, it set me off in a way I wasn't ready for. The blood... it brought it all back. The pain, the memories, and my fears.

I shuddered, my hand moving up to my bare and wet stomach, clutching at it as my eyes widened. As if I needed myself as a crutch. Ironically, it was the only damn spot on me that I didn't see blood! My chest rocked unexpectedly with pain at seeing myself and the amount of blood. I saw it on me the past few hours. But now under the bright bathroom light and seeing the immense amount of blood that was rinsing from me... it made me feel sick. Most of it wasn't my blood either! What was worse... was that some of the blood was dried on my skin!

Looking down at all the blood that continuously fell from me towards the drain hurt my head. But seeing the blood that was dry and wouldn't leave... Fuck! It made my stomach knot up hard. Staring at it all made me feel like shit, to take in how much red there was! It might as well have been actual shit. It was dirty, I was dirty! Jesus Christ! Not good! It's all over my chest, my legs, thighs, and arms! Fuck! It was stuck on me.... Dried. Ugh! I needed it off!

I could hear my breath quicken through the steamy air. "Ugh! God!" I hissed through gritting teeth, my hands frantically flying over me now. Needing it all off me. Wanting all sign of slut gone, all signs of the night! Gone! All this fucking dirty shitty blood! It was as if the blood finally allowed myself to feel and accept tonight. But not just tonight. It brought it all back.

I took in a hard breath as everything in my mind rushed back at me. Jackson, who choked that man who broke into my house and killed the other men at my house. Then the guys that found us at the hotel, forcing Luke and Jackson to kill all but Carter. Then tonight, I watched Jackson strangle a man while I knocked out some girl. What the hell kind of lives were we living now? How could it have gotten to this? How? I was living a normal life not long ago. Now, I was back to wondering if I would be dead or alive the next day.

My breath coming faster, for the first time in a long time, I allowed the fear I always blocked out pulse through me. How could I not? I accepted this as my life and it's not like this is the first time my life was at risk. But now... the threat was coming at us fast. I wasn't home with Luke anymore, living at least some semblance of a life. None of us had a home right now. None of us knew when this would end. The worst: none of us knew how it would end. This was not living. We were running, not knowing when or if they would catch us. That's why all I wanted right now was a break. Tonight, our head start, was the only form of a break I would receive. But what made me scrub even harder at the blood on me was the possibility of Jackson and Luke not making it out alive.