Winter Rains{ManxMan}

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Kevin

Three days, that's how long it went on. The awkward silences were longer between us. After his confession I felt defeated, like I was lost and I couldn't find a suitable path to take in order to fix things.

I knew he wasn't expecting me to feel the same, he wasn't asking for anything and that's what really got to me.

We managed to go to work together and still make dinner, making small talk here and there. He went to bed earlier and I felt like the worst person alive.

Here I was, nameless, worthless individual who deserved nothing good in the world, making the most pure, most kind man alive feel like a stranger in his own home. It had to stop, and fast.

Truthfully, it wasn't that I didn't like him, it wasn't that I didn't want things to develop between us. I was just...insecure? I wasn't going to lie to myself. I had nothing good to offer, I was homeless, penniless and without credentials of any kind. I was a complete nobody and Jackson could do so so much better.

So after three days of this, I decided that I had to be the bigger man, and as I was to blame for the awkwardness, I needed to be the first to speak.

"Okay, this is ridiculous." I stared at Tomin the cat who meowed. Jackson was in his room doing who knows what and I couldn't allow us to go to sleep without talking this through. "I should do it now...right?" Tomin tilted his head and lifted his paw off of the toy bird I was making move with a stick. "I mean, this is my fault, right? I better..." I looked towards the hallways and felt my stomach drop. "When did I become such a coward?" I groaned and buried my head in my hands. "What happened to always telling the truth?" I moaned to myself and gave a hiss of pain as Tomin dug his claw into me and meowed. "Alright, alright, I'll go."

I stood and Tomin seemed to get the most outrageous expression, as though I was betraying him and I chuckled. He probably still wanted to play and my standing up to leave was not anticipated. I took a deep breath and walked over to Jackson's door. I lifted my hand to knock but it just stayed there. I counted to three, if my hand didn't knock, I would just start talking loudly until the door opened.

One...

Two...

Thr- I knocked heavily on the door with newfound determination.

"Come in." I opened the door ready to speak when I caught sight of Jackson in nothing but his boxers and a towel in his hand.

"Oh." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "We-we," I cleared my throat. "Uh, need to talk." I told him slowly and he sat down on his bed and gave a nod.

"Alright." His tone was nonchalant, to a point where my stomach dropped my my flesh felt warmer than it should. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he stared at me, his thick brow lifted for a moment and my lips parted.

What was I here to do again? I wondered as my eyes shifted then to the side, looking at him was a problem, it made me nervous and my mind came up blank.

"Kevin?" His tone soft and worried, my head snapped towards him. When did I turn away again? I saw darkness for a moment and mastered a small smile.

"Right, sorry... You- uh," my hands twitched and folded into themselves nervously. "I was h-" the shrill sound of music saved me. The way my muscles relaxed, my beating heart skipped and I let out a breath, proved to me how nervous I was, how lost and confused I felt.