Regeneration (Winter Soldier fan fiction)

Paying an old dept

Natasha Romanof (I can't spell Russian names to save my life) Strode about her kitchen, placing fruit on the counter and chicken in the freezer. The furniture of her tiny house was brightly colored, far from what she liked, but she knew she had to put up with it.

This was the price she paid for releasing her secrets to the world. She was completely re-making herself, and in utter frustration she slammed a glass jar filled with fresh orange juice on the wooden counter, causing it to crack and spill sticky orange all over the wood.

She muttered a string of curses in Russian, some of them completely inappropriate.

"It's wrong to curse God Natalia"

She jumped at the rough voice behind her. She knew that voice all to well, and her heart began to beat a million miles in hour. He was the only one she feared, and he was right behind her.

Using the counter as a spring board, she jumped on top of it and flipped back. She landed on his shoulders, her garote at his neck in attempt to choke him.

But she should have known better, as this trick didn't work the first time, and she was thrown to the cream colored tile with a crack.

"Stupid girl" He hissed from behind his mask, his long hair hanging in front of his electric blue orbs. "Have I not taught you to never use the same tactic twice?"

Her heart thumping wildly, she swung her leg out. This caused him to stumble enough for Natasha to rise, and she took off down the hall, heading for the back door.

But she didn't get very far before she was slammed up agianst the wall so hard she cried out, as he pinned her down. "Why is it," He breathed down her neck, causing shivers to run down her spine. "That the last two times we've met you've run away? That is no way to treat you old trainer Natalia"

"It's Natasha" She spit back, desperately trying to put up her crumbling walls.

"Natasha" He let the name role off his tongue with distaste, his half hidden face cringing with discust. "Trying to hide from your past Widow?"

"I was doing a fine until you showed up Barnes" She spit, obviously thinking that he still didn't remember.

"I was under orders" He growled, his metal limb tightening around her wrists. "You know as good as anyone the price is high for resisting" He pulled away, his limbs dropping to his sides in defeat.

Natasha stood, her body tense and ready to attack if necessary. The Winter Soldier's head hung low, his hair shielding his eyes from her veiw.

"Why are you here?" She brought the question he knew she would ask up.

"I have, some things to discuss" He muttered lowly.

Natasha turned and walked back into the kitchen, removing a gun that she had concealed underneath the knife drawer and stuffed it into the waistband of her jeans.

Winter didn't seem to care as he watched her do it, and he took a seat on the red painted wooden chair across from her. His hand rose up to his mask and she watched as he unbuckled it and slide it off, revealing a nasty cut on his right cheek along with an ugly purple bruise.

Her jaw dropped a centimeter and her emerald eyes widened slightly. "What-"

"I need to ask of you a favor" His rough voice cut her off, and she scrunched up her face with discust.

"Why would I even consider?" She asked, clearly irritated.

"Because," His eyes finally met her's, "You owe me a debt"

Her eyes widened as he mentioned that horrid day, and she couldn't believe he would even bring it up. "You remember?" She asked fazed, but quickly snapped out of it. "How dare you even-"

"Natasha" He growled at her, standing up from the chair. "I don't have time to argue, there are people watching me. Bottom line," He got close, so he was looking down on her. "I saved your life that night, whether you consider it like that or not I did. And when they figured out that my shot didn't go through your neck," He slammed his metal fist above her head, his eyes filled with horror and anger. "That was one of the worst punishments I've ever received."

He backed away again, his gaze trailed on the tile design. "They didn't bother to trust me after that night Natasha" His voice dropped and his hands started shaking as the memory resurfaced. "They wiped me after every fucking mission" His voice rose into a shout as he faced her, clenching his shaking fists. "All because I decided to save a fucking trader like you!"

Natasha backed further into the counter, fazed by his outburst. She'd never heard him curse before, but she did know he was blaming her for his pain. Fear was replaced by white hot rage and she stood tall, her fair Russian skin turning red with rage. "They were doing terrible things, making me do terrible things! They ruined me, and I would have died trying to escape so don't you dare call me a trader!" She bravery roared back.

"I didn't know that!" He hissed back, "I thought it was right, and at least you had a choice Natalia, at least you knew right from wrong."

Natasha stepped back, instantly regretting her words.

He was right, She did have a choice, and now she realized that James never did. When he shot her that night, when the blood splattered on the clear snow from her hip and she felt completely betrayed, she now realized that he had no choice, he must have felt equally betrayed if not more.

He must have felt so lost so betrayed when he realized she was the one betraying him.

"On that highway" She started, her voice soft and laced with sadness. "When I saw you aiming that gun at my chest, and I was forced to shoot back" She sucked in a breath, not believing she was actually telling him this. "I felt so much guilt, so much sadness and pain and I didn't know why"

James picked up his head, turning to face her with an empty look.

"It was me that betrayed you that night wasn't it? All these years I've hated you, been scared to death that you would come back for me, angry because I thought you had betrayed me but this whole time," She blinked back water that was threatening to spill, and clenched her fists. "It was the other way around"

James gave her no reply, just turned his back away from her again.

"James I," She sucked in a breath, "I know saying sorry won't fix it so I'll.... I'll do whatever you need"

James turned, but his eyes slide over the clock over her head. "Shit" He muttered in Russian, followed by another chose of swear words. "Look, I have to leave, there's a woman, her name is Anastasia Marie Silver. She lives on a farm in Washington. Just, protect her alright?"

He looked at her, his facade finally broken. His voice trembled slightly as he said the next words. "Make sure, that nothing ever hurts her"

"Why?"

"Because," He slide his mask back over his lips and nose, his hands sliding over his weapons to make sure they were there.

"She gave me hope, even though there was none to be found."

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Omg the feels!

It's like the worst heartthrob ever my god arghghghghghv!

I couldn't wait for tomorrow to post this, it was driving me crazy!

Five is the magic number people!

-Riku54