Regeneration (Winter Soldier fan fiction)

Forgiveness

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He laid, sprawled out on the ground, his eyes closed but his body tensed. He had been afraid to sleep since the dream.

He was afraid to see more, but he needed to, he needed to get his memories back. The problem was, the bad ones were the easiest to remember. The torture, the operations, the freezing, to every face he ever killed, he could remember them in a heartbeat. What he couldn't get back was the memories of his life before he became their slave.

He couldn't remember Steve, nor his life before. He had glimpses, painful flashes, but nothing that was completely solid.

He saw blue eyes, and a sickly skinny version of Captain America.  But it wasn't real was it? No, the Captain was a strong man, a man everyone relyed on, who everyone trusted.

The Winter Soldier was not that man. He was the man nobody trusted, the one they sent in to lie and kill, the monster that lived under the bed.

He opened his blue eyes that were dull, like they were after every mission. The shine they held when Anna had been with him was gone, making it look like it never was there.

The room was pitch black, and his real hand dug into the white carpet as he sat up. He lifted his left hand, and studied it as the metallic plates slide soundlessy as he flexed his fingers. It really was amazing, how it was designed to look like his other arm, muscle tone and veins in all. It was a miracle, as some would call it; but deep in his heart he despised it.

But he couldn't imagine not living without it. He had no memory of ever not having a left arm, but that didn't mean much. There could be one locked inside his head, so deeply buried beneath the lies and murder.

He raised his head slightly, his eyes narrowed. If she thought that he couldn't hear her, she was a fool. She was a mere human, and he was a super soldier trained to kill. His sensitive ears picked up her heartbeat, along with her breathing pattern. It was normal, but her heart was beating fast. She was nervous about something, or what he wasn't sure.

Her shadow appeared next to his doorway, lightened by the hallway lamp. He watched as she paced silently back and forth and grew annoyed with her.

Could she not muster the courage to open the door?

In his angered and unstable state, he stood and opened the door. The light poured in his eyes, and he found her looking at him with a startled expression.

"Hi?" She questioned, backing away from his door a few steps.

He shot her a look, one that said, What. The. Hell.

"I was uh, going for a walk?" She said, her hands wringing in her nightgown. "Yeah, that's right."

"At three in the morning" He barely said, his voice rough from not being used.

"Yeah!" She crossed her arms, her elbows jutting out. "My house." She added gruffly.

He shook his hair in his eyes, liking the feeling of it acting like a shield. He was about to close the door on her face when she stuck her foot out.

"Where were you last night?"

In an instant he had her pinned agianst the wall, his eyes dark and narrowed. "How do you know I left?" He growled.

"You're blood, It was smeared on the back door barley" She gasped, he had knocked the breath out of her. He realized what he was doing and released her, backing away and shutting his eyes.

He clenched his fists and slammed the door on her, his back sliding down the wood. His hands opened and closed as he breathed in and out, his chest rising and falling in a rapid manner.

"James?" Her voice came muffled through the door, and he felt her hand touch the wood on the other side.

"I hurt you" He spoke softly, ashamed that he could not control his instinct.

"No, James," She too slide her back down the door on the other side. "Well, it's going to bruise but that doesn't matter. What matters is you backed away"

He felt a pang go through his heart, and gasped, not used to the feeling.

I hurt you. I hurt you. I hurt you.

"James" Her voice came again, softy this time. "Listen to me"

"Okay" He whispered, not liking feeling weak, which was what he was feeling now.

"You are going to make mistakes" She started, he could hear her smile. "You are human alright? It's okay. I make mistakes all the time. You realise it's wrong, ask for forgiveness, and you move on. There's nothing more you can do."

He stayed there, his teeth ground together. Neither one of them spoke, and after what seemed like hours Anna stood, and softy walked away from his door.

"I forgive you"

He felt the air rush out of his lungs, feeling the wierd burning that rose in his chest.

She forgave him.

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Hello! 

I love the Avengers.

Just thought I'd put that out there;-)

BTW,

The next few chapters are when the real action kicks off so be prepared!

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-Riku54