emotions, jack gilinsky

21

jack gilinsky

i usually have a lot on my mind. especially recently.

but while i look at rafael's lifeless body, i feel absolutely nothing. empty.

"you've been staring at him for hours." adrianna exaggerates, dramatically learning over the chair beside mine.

"it's been five minutes, ria."

"i just want him to wake up." she huffs, reaching over and sliding her hand underneath his.

"yeah, we all do."

she slides her hand back and jumps onto me, wrapping her arms around me, her broken leg hanging off of my lap.

my eyes widen at the sudden contact and i take a while before slowly holding her as well.

she pulls away and pokes my cheek. "you're so different."

"what? no i'm not."

"you're mean now." she declares, "just like mommy and daddy."

"when am i ever mean to you?"

"not to me." she shrugs. "i hear you on the phone, or talking to your friends. you're mean to other people."

"i'm not mean to other people, adrianna."

"okay," she sighs. "whatever you say."

+

"bro..you definitely have a thing for amara."

"what?" i exclaim, "no i fucking don't."

"you just ranted to me for five minutes about how stupid it is that she slept with cj."

"so?" i mutter.

johnson shakes his head. "no, keep going. i actually ship you two."

"i don't like amara." i mumble hastily.

"that's why you didn't show up for your guys' tutor session or whatever. because you were salty with her."

"i wasn't!" i exclaim. "you're reaching, bro."

"am i, though?" he tilts his head to the side, raising his eyebrows.

"shut up." i mutter, looking down at the table. i look up again, across the cafeteria and at amara.

bri spoke to her, but it looked like she wasn't really listening. she seemed distracted, and i knew she was sad yesterday. i wanted to ask her..but i felt like it wasn't my place to. maybe it was cj's.

the others join us, and meredith smiles softly at me before sitting beside me. "what's up, g?"

"nothing." i shrug, slinging my arm around her and bringing her closer. johnson eyes us before shaking his head and turning to nate, who shoved two carrots in his mouth and smiled, "look, i'm a walrus."

+

amara rahman

i take my time walking home. that is, until i found cj catching up to me. i reluctantly increase my pace, not feeling any need to talk to him. especially in the school parking lot, where everyone was.

"amara! let me catch up to you."

"no thank you." i sang in response.

he eventually does, though. grabbing onto my shoulder, he turns me around. and only then, did i see several eyes on us.

not only did i see the eyes, but the flowers in his hand. i look up at him and furrow my eyebrows.

"i'm sorry." he murmurs sincerely, "for acting like nothing happened the other night. and for acting like nothing happened all summer."