emotions, jack gilinsky

10

jack gilinsky

i stare at the paper in front of me, trying to figure out what the words even said. the room was dark. it'd been dark for a while now, but i didn't feeling like getting up and turning the light on.

i close my eyes, letting out a shaky breath. i hadn't even realized i let go of my pencil.

opening my eyes, i look at my hands, watching them shake.

i didn't know what was happening to me. i was tired all of the time, my hands would shake and sweat. i always feel some sort of pang in my chest.

"you're gonna strain your eyes." i hear my mom say from behind me, before flipping the light on. "your dad and i are going to the hospital. you should come."

"i have homework." i remind blankly. "a lot."

she sighs, "can't you do it there?"

"what's the point in going, anyway?" i mutter, "he's just gonna lay there."

she doesn't respond. instead, she mumbles a goodbye to me before closing my bedroom door.

i lean back in my chair and cover my eyes with my clammy palms. i felt sick.

i go for another try on my homework before getting frustrated and crumbling it up, throwing it in the trash.

a few minutes later, i retrieve it from the trash and open it up, groaning.

i need help.

derek was surprisingly good at this stuff, which definitely stunned everyone. but the more i think about it, he's been secretly smart his whole life.

he was working at that diner down the street, but i'm sure he's not doing anything anyway.

i make my way over there, parking and hurrying inside to avoid the rain.

"welcome to rose's." one of their workers smiles. "would you like to be seated?"

"uh, actually, i was wondering if derek's here? luh?"

she glances back, and that's when i saw amara, who'd immediately looked away.

"amara? is derek here?"

she brushes her hands on her apron, "uh, yeah. he's in the back."

the girl looks back at me, "i can just get you a table anyway."

i nod and quietly follow her to one of the tables where she seats me. "are you planning on getting anything?"

"uh.." i glance down at the menu. "maybe."

she nods and walks off. i take a seat, hoping derek would come out.

i look up when amara approaches my table, pouring water into a glass she'd brought.

"hey, man." i hear derek call.

i turn around and he approaches me, a red colored rag resting on his shoulder. "what's up?"

"uh, i need help with this." i point to my crumbled up math sheet.

he glances at it before shaking his head, "i don't know how to do that shit."

i narrow my eyes at him, "seriously? fuck, come on, man."

he looks at me and sighs, "i'm actually working, alright? and if i stop, i really think amara will beat my ass." it sounded like he was joking, but i saw the seriousness on his face. "i'm on a groove, you know?"

"yeah, yeah." i mutter. "who else knows this shit?"

"nate." he shrugs, "but he's studying for his economics final."