Knock Knock

chapter 37

CHAPTER 37 

*Eamon’s POV*

At the airport, Aurora had trouble letting me go. Or should I say that I did? Truthfully, I have no idea whose hands wouldn’t release when the intercom called out for my plane to board. The plane ride was boring, as all are. It was worrisome and nerve-racking and I hated it. But not because of the plane; I was worried about landing. How would Eileen look? Would her skin be sallow and blanched? Her long eyelashes gone again? Would it all happen that fast? I don’t think I can bear it, but I must. She needs her big brother. If only the nurses would allow people out of the family, I thought to myself. 

I sat on the plane for the first hour just thinking. Soon, though, my thoughts went rampant and I had to find something else to do. I brought out a book I had bought and tried to let myself fall into it and get caught up. 

After finishing the book and taking a nap, the plane landed. My dad had said that I could meet him at the house. I took a taxi there, worrying the entire way. Not just for Eileen anymore, though. Now I was worrying about Rory too. Not having her around was like leaving my arm at home. I just couldn’t stand not having her beside me. I needed her now more than ever. Stupid rules, stupid hospital, stupid cancer. When I greeted my father at the door, he pulled me into a hug immediately. When he let go, I saw that his eyes were misty. I frowned and patted his arm.

“Let’s go see her.” I said quietly. He nodded and led me to his car. At the hospital, the lady at the counter recognized my dad and simply waved him up instead of having us check in. I was glad that we didn’t have to waste the time, but it just reminded me of how often my father has been here. I bit my lip as I followed my dad to Eileen’s floor. A nurse who I recognized came over to greet my dad.

“Hello Mr. O’Reilly. She’s doing well, she’s a bit tired right now, though.” She told us. He nodded in response. The nurse glanced at me and frowned as she walked away. My dad and I walked into her room. The walls were covered with faeries and princesses and fairy tale things, but the happiness that the walls implied was swiftly cut off by the beeping of machines and the too-clean white of the beds. I had a creeping feeling that they had to be bleached way too often. We came to Eileen and she blinked slowly at us.

“Daddy? E’mn! E’mn!” she squealed. Her voice was soft and strained. I came by her side and gave her a weak smile. She reached up to me and I leaned down to kiss her forehead. All her hair was gone, from her eyelashes to her arms. My dad watched with teary eyes. I knew he was having abundant trouble right now. He couldn’t take it. 

“How is my favorite sister?” I asked her.

“I’m tired.” She said. I felt myself falter as I noticed how her face looked gaunter, and her once chubby arms had become mere echoes. I wanted to ball up and cry. I wanted to scream and run away and go home and be with Aurora. But I couldn’t. I have to be here for my sister, I reminded myself. We spent a while talking to her, playing with her. after only about half an hour, she was yawning excessively. We left to let her sleep, vowing to come back tomorrow. She had another chemo session tomorrow. I wanted to be there for her. 

I couldn’t sleep. There was too much activity in my brain. The bed felt cold. I missed having Aurora laughing beside me. I really needed a hug. Aurora gives the best hugs, I mused. 

The next day was nightmarish. Eileen was calm when they took out the needle to inject her. But soon she was throwing up, coughing, gaging. I cringed, tears welling in my eyes. My dad put on a tough face. Eileen cried and complained of feeling sick.

“I know, Eileen, but you have to have this okay? It’ll all be better soon.” Dad said carefully. She looked up at me.

“Where’s Auwa?” she asked me. I smiled at her.

“She couldn’t come this time, Leenie.” 

“I miss her.” she told me. Then she cocked her head. For a moment I was afraid her thin neck wouldn’t hold her head anymore. “Is Auwa ever gonna come back to me?” she asked.

“Of course! She couldn’t come this time because the doctors only let family in.” I explained the best I could. She stared at me confused for a second.

“Isn’t she family?” she wondered, her face genuinely confused. I asked myself the same question over and over for the rest of the day. Why wasn’t she family? I love her, she loves me. I can’t spend more than a few hours from her without missing her terribly. She means the world to me, and my family loves her. Isn’t she family?

The next couple of days were long and rough. Chemo was scary and painful to watch, and Eileen would have another check for cancer soon. I prayed that it would be clear. Aurora was also brewing in my head. I swear, my love for her seems to multiply daily. Every moment I spend with her I notice something else I love. 

I tried to ignore my thoughts to focus on Eileen, but they were such an easy hiding place for my brain to go. I just wanted her with me. I wanted her beside me, holding my hand. I kept calling at the wrong times, and she did the same. I was disjointed and frantic and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I wanted to cry every time I saw Eileen’s gaunt face. Eileen didn’t understand why I was so sad, so I constantly had to put on a façade, which is simply exhausting. Today my dad told me that is should stay home, take a rest day. It wasn’t a good idea.

I tend to like to know what is going on around me. Now not only do I not know what Aurora is doing, I also don’t know what my sister is doing. I felt utterly out of control. I lay on the couch the entire day without sleep even glancing at me.

When my dad came home and saw me lying on the couch where I had been when he left, he knew something was off.

“Eamon? Are you feeling ill or something?” he asked me, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. I shook my head and realized how stiff it was. 

“I’m just…” I was about to make up an excuse, but decided against it. He’ll figure it out eventually. “I’m really missing Aurora.”  He nodded, smiling a bit.

“Oh I know how you feel, Eamon. She’s a lovely girl, really.” He said simply. I nodded, looking out the window. When I looked back at my dad, he was staring at me curiously. “Something seems different about you lately.” He noticed. I cocked my head. 

“Well I don’t think much is new. I mean, I’m worried about Eileen. But nothing else, really.” I trailed off.

“No, you look contemplative. What are you thinking about? Something I should know about?” he asked suspiciously, his Irish accent sounding incredibly strong. I stopped and thought about what I had been contemplating. I realized it was Aurora. How our life would be together. Not just for the next year. For the rest of our lives. That thought brought an instant smile to my face- a smile that, before her, wasn’t there. 

My dad was still staring down at me, a question on his face. “I was thinking that I want to spend the rest of my life with Aurora.” And with that simple sentence, my heart sped and my stomach flipped and I knew it was what I wanted.