Illuminated Silence

47

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"I'm tryna find that piece of mind, behind these two white highway lines When the city goes slient, the ringing in my ears gets violent..."

Pete sniffled, drying his eyes as another tear slipt out onto the polished black granite of the countertop, where he sat quietly singing the lyrics to a song he wrote oh so long ago. Not that it mattered anyway; the new album would drop in a few days and it'd be just another song, one that would lose it's meaning the moment it was known to the world. Pointless. Utterly pointless. As was the way he was currently feeling. It was more or less the same as how he did that night, the night he wrote the song. So ready to jump into those stupid fridgid cold waves without a second thought. He kind of felt like that now, like he wanted to jump. To jump into something cold and freezing so that it would numb him and his brain and his heart and just everything. He just wanted to feel nothing for a while. To have a break from the swell of emotion that engulfed him all day everyday.

He felt another tear roll down his cheek, watching as it silently landed as a pool near his feet. He moved away from it slightly, bringing his knees up nearer his to his chin, not even noticing he had his feet on the counter now. If Patrick could see this, this guy sitting on his kitchen counter, he'd freak. Because Patrick was the one thing Pete wasn't.

He was perfect.

Pete wasn't.

Pete jolted. He felt a hand barely graze his knee. His head shot up. "S-Stellar?"
She didn't reply, only stared at him, arm outstretched, fingertips on his knee. Pete screwed his face up and pulled his leg away, kicking something off the counter by accident as a fresh set of tears flourished like a storm surge from his eyes. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE CRAZY! WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?! WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE FUCK UP SO BAD! I WAS SUPPOSED TO JUST GROW UP, GET A NORMAL JOB, GET MARRIED TO A NORMAL PERSON, MAYBE HAVE SOME KIDS, GROW OLD AND LIVE HAPLILY EVER AFTER! BUT I'M STUCK WITH ALL OF THIS."

Pete cried harder now, sobs wracking his body in violent fit like waves. At some point he fell off the counter and onto the floor, but just curled up in the corner and continued even when his eyes dried and there was nothing left but shuddery breaths and blank stares. He barely registered when she held out a hand to him, or rather at him, but somehow noticed it none the less. He wasn't even sure what to do anymore. She'd been here a month and never done anything like this. Yet at this point he really didnt care, so he just took her hand and heaved himself up, rubbing his bloodshot eyes as she led him out of the kitchen and back to her room. Maybe she was going to murder him. Or torture him. He didn't know. Truth was he didn't care. But she did neither, instead simply shutting the door and walking back to bed, hopping in and turning away from him. Like nothing had ever happened. He was dumbstruck, for starters. He looked behind him at the shut bedroom door, then at her unmoving on one side of the queen bed.

Did she want him to stay? He stood stock still and confused for about thirty more minutes before she rolled over and opened her eyes, almost looking at him expectedly. He approached the side slowly, settling lightly on the edge and looking down at her for confirmation. She didn't move, so he silently slid under the covers and let out a shuddery breath he didn't know he'd be holding.

The tension was further eased when a hand struck out and gently grabbed his own under the covers, both squeezing in union. Pete turned over toward Stellar who had been facing him the whole time. There was something slightly different in her eyes that he couldn't quite place; maybe it was something like some of the craziness had ebbed away slightly. He didn't know, so instead of thinking about it he moved closer, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace and attempting to fall asleep for the first time in five days.

"I love you..." 

He was sure he dreamed it just as he nodded off, but as with so much in his life lately, he really just didn't know.

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Hey guys. Nice sad filler chapter for y'all. In other news—

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