We Make Them Go Ooh-Rah

Chapter 29: Stop Being Brave

We brought Logan home the next day and it was pretty cool. He was the cutest little thing in his baby seat.  He looked like a marshmallow in a cereal bowl. We spend that whole day as a big family. Dad, Jesse, Kirsty, Cooper, me, and little Logan spent the whole day together since Connor went back to Lejeune with Megs since she was ready and got a job there. Today was the day the boys had to get on the bus to go to Parris Island.  The bus was taking them from the bus station in town. My whole body was numb as I said good bye to Cooper. He kissed me as the tears rolled down his face. “I love you.” He whispered into my lips. I looked up at him and smiled weakly.

“I love you so much.” He pulled me into a strong kiss. I buried my head in his white shirt so no one would see my tears.

“You have a wedding to plan, Baby. After Boot Camp; we’ll have a Marine Corps wedding.” He buried his head in my hair. I held on tighter crying silently. He held onto me tighter.

“I will get it all planned I promise. Everything down to the little shoes on Logan’s feet.” I nodded. He pulled me back and kissed my head.

“I love you.” He sighed kissing me again.

“Boys we have to go.” Dad said to us. I rubbed my eyes not showing the tears as Kirsty and Jesse broke apart. Jesse leaned down and kissed Logan’s head from his baby pillow on the couch and looked at me. He walked over and pulled me into his arms.

“Stop being brave.” He whispered into my ear before he kissed my cheek. He grabbed his bag and his kit from the floor and kissed Kirsty one last time before walking out. Cooper kissed me one last time before walking over and kissing Kirsty’s cheek then gently kissing Logan’s sleeping head. He grabbed his kit and walked out. Dad gave me one last look before he went to drive them to the train station. He was driving them because Kirsty couldn’t leave with Logan, and I had to make sure that she was okay. I walked over to Kirsty and wrapped my arms around her as she broke down crying. She squeezed me as she sobbed and I rubbed her back.

“Let it out, I promise you will feel a little better after it.” I said biting my lip to keep my tears back. Logan started to wake up and cry ready for his feeding. Kirsty tried to stop crying but it wasn’t working. “I’ll get him all set okay? Go to bed, sleep it off.” I said rubbing her cheek. She nodded as Logan screamed. I let go of Kirsty to pick up Logan. He was screaming but when I picked him up, but when I had my hands around him he stopped. He blinked at me as I took him to the kitchen to heat up his bottle. I held him and gently bound him as I waited. When I finally got it and walked back to the couch to feed him he was silently watching my face. I sighed and started to feed him.  He looked around before looking back at me.

“Daddy will be back soon.”  I smiled gently at him. “He is just going to be the strong man he was meant to be. I know he won’t be around a lot, but its okay. He will always love you. He will always be right here.” I laid my finger over his heart as he suckled away on his bottle. “Also right here too.” I pointed at his head. “He will never forget you because he loves you. No matter how far away he is he will always be thinking about you my little peanut.” I smiled the tears flowing down my face. “Same with Uncle Cooper; he always will love you no matter what.  He is a big softy when it comes to his Little Logan. What Poppy always says ‘always together and never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.’” I felt the tears flowing freely now.  I felt a hand on my shoulder making me look up. Dad stood there with a tissue.

“You don’t always have to be the brave one.” He smiled weakly. I took the now empty bottle out of Logan’s mouth and gently rocked him till he spit up a little bit on the spit up clothe that says ‘spit happens’.  I rocked him till he was fast asleep were I walked him back to his room and gently laid him in his crib. When I walked back to the family room Dad sitting on the couch with a remote in his hand and the TV on.

“Hi Daddy.” I said sitting next to him on the couch and leaned into him snuggling into him like I did when I was little.

“Come here Baby Girl.” He smiled patting his lap. I crawled on to it and snuggled my head into his chest.  “I love you my little girl.”

“I love you too Daddy.” I sighed looking up at him. He gently wiped my tears away that I didn’t even know I shed.

“Why do you always have to be the brave face.” He asked curling me like when I was little into his arms as he threw a blanket on me. The A/C is on so it was cold in here.

“Because if I’m not the brave face no one would look up to me. Today was Kirsty’s first deployment. It wasn’t mine Daddy. I had to be strong for her and for my god son. They don’t know what it’s like to see them go.” I felt my bottom lip start to quiver as the tears form in my eyes.  Dad moved the hair out of my face and kissed my forehead.

‘That’s not true baby. You don’t know what it is like to see someone you’re in love with go. You know what it’s like to see someone you love to go. There is should a difference Baby.” He kissed my head. “I can tell you that Cooper is probably really upset for not getting to see you. He loves you so much it reminds me of you grandparents.” I looked up at him.

“Do you really thing Cooper and I will be just like Poppy and Grammy.” I asked. My Dad’s Dad, Poppy, was a marine when he met Dad’s Mom, Grammy, at 19. They fell in love fast and were married with kids,2 to be exact,  in only 3 years of meeting him. Poppy and Grammy have been together ever since. I think they are coming up on their 45th anniversary.

“Of course I think that Baby Girl. You both love each other so much.” He smiled.

“But we can’t be like them Daddy, I can’t have children.” I looked down the tears coming back in m eyes. I felt Dad’s finger under my chin making me look at him.

“Everything is good in the end, if everything isn’t good, it’s not the end.” He said the simple quote. I have heard it so many times before, but I haven’t thought of it lately.

Everything is good in the end, if everything isn’t good, it’s not the end. It’s not the end. It can’t be, because I’m sure as hell, it is not good.