What happened to the old me

I need to leave

I looked at the strange man closer but my vision was blurry. I looked at my arm. Why did I have a freaking tube in it?! Where's Collins?! "Who are you?!" I screamed at the man. "Hey it's ok. Clam down your family is on their way." The weird man said. Was is dying? No I couldn't be, could I? I started freaking out and the machine started beeping faster. All the doctors turned around and rushed towards me. "He's having a panic attack!" One of them said. They put a breathing mask on me to help calm me down. Just then i heard a knock on the door. It was my mom and Collins. "Devan!" Mom said rushing towards me. "Are you ok?" She said crying. "Mom I'm fine." I said. Mom started talking to the doctor. "He passed out at school, we don't know why, he claims that he was dehydrated, we believe him because he had a really dry mouth and his gums were really light." They said "ok that makes sense, so will he be able to come home soon?" Mom asked concerned. "Yes he should be able to come later. And he is underweight, make sure he's eating, a lot." The doctor said very seriously. "Ok we will keep an eye on his weight." Mom said.
I looked down and saw my chest and stomach. I never realized how skinny I actually was. I put my hand on my stomach, I could feel my ribs sticking out. My ribs were visible even. I know why. I threw up all my food, but I had just recently started starving myself. I got tired of loosing my lunch everyday.
Later that day I got to go home. Right as we got home I went into my room and slammed the door. I took of my shirt and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a skeleton. Then I noticed all my scars. Tears started streaming down my face. I fell to the ground and just fell apart. "Why do I have to be so ugly." I said sobbing. "Why can't I eat?"
"How come I'm not normal." I said sobbing more choking on my own spit. I reached for my pocket knife but found a piece of paper. I grabbed it and read it.
Devan, I'm really worried about you. You can't leave me. You are my everything I can't imagine life without you. It hurts me to see you like this. Like a lot. Devan I love you more than you will ever know. I miss hanging out with you. I miss making YouTube videos with you. I miss my best friend. Devan I need my best friend back. I can't stand to see you like this anymore. You can't leave. You don't deserve this. Many, many, people love you Devan. But I love you the most. You can't go on like this anymore, I can't see you like this anymore. Let me help you please. I'm literally crying right now, Devan you have no idea.
Please don't go...
-Collins.
Tears streamed down my face. I loved Collins so much. Maybe everything would be better if I just died. No one would miss me. Right? Yea no one would. This world would be a better place. School would. Our family would. If I just leave...