X-Marks: Hiding Shadows

Changes

I watched the blue arrow on the broken screen of the tracker flicker on and off then back on again.

We were set to leave for our first host home, at least we were supposed to. The snow had finally melted for the spring. The earth was speckled with the last patches of ice and littered with the fallen bits of the trees and leaves from the autumn before. I paced across the muddy grass outside the abandoned cabin and watched the arrow spin at my every turn.

"Where is it saying to go?" Evee asked, and walked behind my erratic trail.

"I think this way," I said and tossed the postcard back into my bag.

Mat walked behind with his backpack that overflowed with packs of foods that he took from the cabin's basement.

"Did you listen at all?" Evee said and hovered her face over Mat's bag.

"What now?" Mat muttered and snatched his bag from her.

Ocean zipped her backpack closed and said, "We're only supposed to take what we need, remember."

"I'm going to eat it," Mat said and crossed his arms to the tallest part of his chest.

"We've been here too long," Ocean continued, "There are more wrappers and crumbs left than food, Mat."

"Yeah, leave something for the next people, you pig," Evee said and made pig snorts above Mat's back.

Mat forced the bag up his broad shoulders.

"A Pig! Because I'm smarter than some dumb travelers and their stupid rules."

Dumb travelers. It made my head heavy to hear him say such a thing. The only reason we had a chance do this was because of a traveler. A traveler that was much smarter than Mat even on his best day.

Evee snorted louder and let it traveled through the trees and fold a hundred times.

"Would you shut up already?" Mat said and swung his arms back at her.

"Make me!" Evee said and danced around Mat's reach.

Mat let his backpack thud to the wet ground, but before he could do anymore Ocean's clear voice cut through their clamor.

"Think Mat," Ocean said, "Wouldn't you rather walk faster?"

Mat stopped his packing, disgust was woven into his brows.

"Faster? I can already walk fast," he spat back.

Ocean stepped closer to Mat, her hands were at her waist.

"But, you could walk even faster," she said, "Without all that weighing you down."

Mat eased his face, though not all at once.

"At least she makes some sense," Mat said and knelt to open his bag, "Not like the two of you."

Mat kept his green eyes on Evee and me, even as he knelt to open his bag.

I watched his muscular arms wrap around the straps of his backpack and how they fought against his broad shoulders. Mat had changed after this long winter, but not all for the better. Like the snow that melted into the hard earth, what was beneath was left preserved.

But, with his broad stance and sharper jaw, Mat did look good, handsome almost.

No, I thought to myself. Not him, not ever.

Though alone in my thoughts I was flushed with embarrassment.

"You still thinking about it?" Evee said and pointed to the arrow of the tracker.

"What, never-" I stuttered.

"You know Mat just talks big," Evee said and stretched her arms at her sides as we walked, "He's nothing I can't handle."

Evee still stood well under my chin, but she was no longer little in every way. Her body spilled from her clothes in ways I had only seen on older girls. The kind of girls who caught the eye of everyone they met. The way Valencia and Madelyn were seen.

I felt a warm rush again, but not like before.

I quieted my thoughts and checked the supplies in my bag though there were very few. The map, the tracker, a few packs of dried foods and some parts of the new tent we took from the basement.

Ocean stood on top of a nearby rock. She was no longer chubby but leaner and taller than ever before. Her neck now had to hang low to hear us speak as if we small children. Everyone had changed in some way, except for me.

I had only a few new red face bumps on my forehead and extra bits of limbs that stretched me to my thinnest. I felt like a stick dressed in wool. Nothing more, nothing less and nothing to be seen.

"I put some back," Mat said from the door of the abandoned cabin. The treble in his voice skipped notes.

Ocean smiled, "You might have saved someone, Mat. You did the right thing."

Mat stomped into the field of weeds where we all stood in the open woods.

"The right thing would have been to get going, already. We have our own lives to save," Mat said and pointed in my direction, "You - you got the map?"

You, it was his newest way of addressing me. Never by my name, just you. He had no reason to call me by my actual name when I always answered to you.

"We should start with the tracker, make sure there are no Allies around here," I said.

"No way!" Mat said and reached for my bag, "We should start with the map."

I flinched away from his grubby hand. I wouldn't let just anyone touch this bag. It was my bag after all.

"We can use both," Evee said and reached for my hand, "That's what they're for."

I handed Evee the postcard. I trusted her more with the sturdy paper than the delicate buttons of the tracker.

"Mat, why don't you stay at the front, keep watch for us," Ocean said and stepped off the nearby rock.

Mat twisted the strap of his bag again and looked back to scowl only at me. I dug my finger into the bottom of my bag and swung it behind my back.

Mat walked ahead of our line, and Ocean walked last. Evee and I stepped between them as we examined the tools in our hands.

"We should-" I said.

"Find this hill, for sure," Evee interrupted and speed forward with the map, "It looks like it's our first giveaway. What does your blinky thing say."

I bit my lower lip tight and said, "It's still green. I think that means we're okay."

"Green, huh," Evee said and switched paths, "We'll keep a lookout still."

Still, she said. There was always a still. I focused on the green pulse of the light, as the tracker slipped under my wet palms.

We were free. Free of our source homes, free of the center and it's strange mysteries, and free of the responsibilities of the traveler camp. Free but no different than before.

Of all the nights I had dreamt about my freedom I never imagined it like this.

I was free, but still entirely myself.