FIX ME

FIX ME CHAPTER 2

kathartickat.tumblr.com 2012

Chapter 2

Seeing her go hurts a lot. He knows he'll see her in a few days because of the Idol Tour, but it still damn hurts.

He followed her car with his gaze until it faded from sight. After what seemed like a long time, Phillip moved away from the window and sat down at the edge of his bed, his hands on his face. Another thought filled his mind.

Why did he do that? Why did he kiss her? Yes, it was merely a soft peck on her lips, but it made everything worse.

Worse because he could still remember the softness of her lips.

Worse because she tastes like strawberry.

Worse because he didn't know why he did that.

Worse because instead of him being able to finally get over whatever is confusing him, his stupid action just made him feel more confused.

Worse because he has a girlfriend.

WORST because he just can't stop thinking of her.

Her is supposed to be his girlfriend. Her is not supposed to be Jessica.

But her didn't turn out the way he wanted it to turn out.

"Damn," he finally muttered. "When did this happen?" he asked himself. Again. He's been asking himself that question since the TOP 2 because it was when he realized he's been noticing every single thing Jessica does; from the way she smiles to the way she wants her coffee in the morning.

It was crazy!

Man I sound like Jennifer Lopez.

Phillip shook his head and lay down on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to analyze his feelings. He knows he feels something for her, but he doesn't want to put a name to whatever it is. There are so many complications-his girlfriend, his health, their age gap, Colton...

Yes, Colton. He knows Colton likes Jessica a lot. He can see it in the way he looks at her, he talks about her, and the way he holds her.

Phillip remembered how he had the sudden urge to push Colton away from Jessica during the time she was 'almost' eliminated. Colton had said "I love you now" to her then hugged her. It was caught in the cameras--- the way he, Phillip, turned away from the scene.

His girlfriend had seen that. She had confronted him. He denied that it was 'jealousy' of course. Because he, himself, doesn't even know how he felt that time. He wasn't even aware that it was his reaction. They had a fight. His girlfriend didn't attend his next performance night.

Then there was the next elimination. When Jessica was called for the top 6, Phillip wasn't able to control himself. He pulled her towards him and hugged her tight. He was so happy for her. He was even ready to go home as long as she was able to enter the top 6.

Colton ruined the moment. After Phillip had hugged her, Colton pulled Jessica towards him and embraced her too; looking like he'll never let her go.

Busted. His reaction was caught in the camera again. This time, even he couldn't deny that it jealousy was written all over his face.

His girlfriend almost broke up with him.

Then there were the songs. Jessica was on his mind when he sang Volcano and We've Got Tonight. It was so obvious! The lyrics of both songs didn't describe his relationship with his girlfriend; they described what he feels for Jessica.

Heejun bluntly asked him if it was for Jessica. Of course he has to deny it.

"Damn!" He blurted out as he opened his eyes and got off the bed. He started pacing. Jessica was the reason his girlfriend called him awhile ago. She was worried. Not that she told him that. He felt it when she casually asked if Jessica was still in the mansion.