Hypocrisy (Austlan Cashby)

Chapter 30

AUTHORS NOTE!

So, this chapter will be MEGA triggering on self harm and a bit of rape. Although, it won't go into details. If you feel triggered after reading this, do NOT hesitate to kik me @/beanpotpie. There will be no Judgement and I'll stay up all night taking to you if needed. What you will talk about will remain between me and you. I love you ALL so so so much.

______

Blood has a diverse smell. One that, for some reason, I love.

The texture, too. Somehow I had forgotten how much I loved swirling the blood on my skin, or how it would drop off, creating a small puddle on the bathroom floor. This tile is littered with blood stains and alcohol. But, that's why I call it my bathroom, it's like me.

I know I promised I wouldn't do this again, but god was it needed. Even shoving my headphones in and blaring music didn't drown out the thoughts for the stinging sensation of a blade. So, I made my way to my bathroom, locking the door and bringing my blades. Anticipation brought a smile to my face, it's been too long.

Press, slide.

Press, slide.

Press, slide.

Three deep cuts on my upper forearm. The first one spilled over and created yet another puddle on the floor. Pushing the plans to clean it until later, I made six more trailing down my arm. Yet, I couldn't stop there, so I continued.

Thinking back to my closet, I mentally arranged all of my sweaters into one corner. Lord knows ill have to be wearing them for a while after this.

Looking at my arm, I did one more before I would put my blade away and clean up. Only, this one was deeper than I had anticipated. As soon as it was made, the blood poured over, adding onto the already building pool of blood. Quickly, I grabbed a tissue and held it onto the cut, remembering the pressure rule. After about 5 minutes, I pulled it away. The tissue was sticky with dried blood, yet fresh blood kept flowing.

That's when I began to panic.

I really can't remember when I had gone this deep, even on purpose.

-

After about 20 minutes and when all of the other cuts had scabbed over, that one was still bleeding as heavy as it was when it was first made. Giving up, I texted Shay to come over. My mom was at my dad's house, which she has been staying at recently. Within two minutes, he texted back, saying he would be there in five minutes. Shay has parents, they just don't really care as long as he brings home good grades.

Two minutes, and the cut stopped bleeding. Turns out I had freaked out over nothing. But, I couldn't tell shay to go home, so he would just crash here tonight. Like he had done a few nights before. Walking to my closet, I picked out my Iron Maiden sweatshirt and a pair of fluffy black pj pants. I almost forgot how comfortable sweatshirts are. Although, the way the fabric would graze my skin every now and then hurt like a bitch, I'd have to shores my winces once Shayley arrived.

Sure enough, he was here in five minutes. Opening the door, he was standing there with some movies and chocolate. Smiling, I let him in. But, as soon as he entered, he pined me against the wall, dropping the chocolate and movies on the table and kicking the door closed with his foot. His confidence didn't surprise me, he was always taking it to different lengths. He grabbed my wrist, trying to be cute about it, little did he know it hurt really bad. But there was no way I could wince. That would blow my secret about self harming.

It hadn't been hard to keep considering when we met they were already healed.

Shay slowly got more aggressive, pressing his hips into mine. Of course, it felt somewhat nice, but I didn't moan. Moaning was a sign that you were enjoying it, and I wasn't.

"Stop," I told him. It wasn't getting to the point where I REALLY didn't like it.

"Shhh," he said, pressing his finger to my lips. His finger looped around my belt and tugged, causing me to try to kick him, but I failed, making him angrier. I checked for signs to see if he was under the influence of anything, but he was sober. I think that's what made this so scary.

He pushed my onto the couch and I tried to squirm off, but he was on top of me before I could push myself off the edge of the couch. My phone slammed my but, I forgot it was in my back poket. I hope I don't break it.

I tried kneeing him, but he put more of his weight onto my knees, making it impossible to move them. My wrist where still in his hand and I could feel blood drip down them, he had opened the deepest cut.

My shirt was off without him having to release my wrist for that long.

"What's that on your arms? Is that blood?" He asked, his grip tightening as he seemed to be getting angrier.

"You cut yourself? Emo faggot cuts himself? Should've known you would've done that after your little faggot boyfriend broke up with you." That brought tears to my eyes. Shay noticed them, but smirked at the sight.

He put pressure onto my pants, causing me to moan accidenlty.

"Oh so you like it?" He asked. "No! Get off me!" I shouted, but he only laughed. This was amusing to him. He tugged on my pants once more before I blacked out.

-

Blinking my eyes, I saw the one and only Austin Carlile beating the shit out of Shay. Looking down, I realised that my pants where all the way off, and my boxers where half way there. That's sight made me cry. For a split second, Austin looked up and we met gazes, but he had work to do, so he returned, punching harder than we was before.

One last kick to the head, and Shay was out. He was only out of it for about a minute, but as soon as he got himself together, he ran.

Austin walked over to me and sat down, taking my hand in his.

"D-Did he get to me?" I asked, so scared that my voice came out in cracks. Austin shook his head, "I got here in time," he said, squeezing my hand.

"How'd you know to be here?"

"I'm glad you didn't delete my number," he said, I skewed my face in confusion. "I got a butt dial from you. At first, all I heard was a moan, and I was about to hang up, thinking you and your boyfriend where doing it," he explained, brushing some hair out of my eyes, "but then you yelled for him to get off of you, and I realised this isn't what I thought it was. I got him off before he could go any further."

"Thank you," I whispered.

He shook his head.

"You have the worst taste in guys, you know that?" He said.

"I don't know. Once, I chose someone who was perfect," I said.

"Who?" He asked cluelessly.

"You, dumbass."

"Oh."

He looked up at me. "I still love you. I think about you a lot, you know? When I saw you hurt today, I broke. Then I saw your cuts, I broke again. Oh god, I'm so broken," he said. I looked at my arm which was now bandaged up.

"I love you too." I said, looking him in his eyes.

"No you don't."

"Alan, I can't be with you. You have to understand this."

Tears fell against my cheek and Austin reached to wipe them off, but instead pressed his lips to mine before running off.

He's not set free.