Hypocrisy (Austlan Cashby)

Chapter 15

We choose the most run down, cheapest motel we could find. I wasn't complaining though, I tend to like isolated areas like this. After traveling most of the day, I was completely content in just finding a place where I could rest, no matter what the conditions of it where.

The rooms weren't spectacular and reeked of must and alcohol. Being in the room for over two hours, I had prayed that my nostrils would abandon the smell and it become non apparent to me. That didn't happen, seeing as with every breath the stench paralysed me. Austin was smelling it too, I could tell by his wrinkled up nose.

"I have some axe, hold up a second," Austin said, running over and digging in the side pocket of his bag, pulling out a black can of his familiar scent, spraying a generous amount around the room. I would love to say that it made things better, but it was over powering and my nostrils stung from it.

After awhile, the axe settled down and covered over the musty smell.

"I like being with you, you know that?" Austin admitted out of no where, probably trying to create a conversation. Austin scooted closer and I felt heat rise to my cheeks.

Austin's hand wrapped around my neck, pulling me in for a sweet kiss. His lips trailed over onto my neck and I found myself tilting my head back and for once, allowing things to get more heated then I'd usually let them. His fingers ran over the fabric of my jeans and I found myself growing nervous, being a virgin in all.

But, I didn't stop him and well, you can guess the rest ;).

-

I placed my hand on the other side of the bed, finding it empty. Getting up, I searched around for Austin and found nothing, not even a note. Paranoia arose in me as the fear of not being good enough boiled me over. I picked up my phone and dialled Austin's number. My heart beat quickened when he picked up.

"Where are you?" I asked, as soon as I heard his breath over the line.

"I'm thinking about things, Alan. Could you leave me alone?"

"W-what? Was I not good enough? Did I mess up? It was my first time, I'm sorry." My words rushed out and so did the tears.

"Alan, shut up. I'm thinking about stuff, I don't want your low self confidence affecting me right now, it's the last thing I need."

"Are you coming back?"

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

"Alan, shut up!"

Then came silence, he had hung up on me. The tears rolled faster as I thought about ways to end myself. Is that sad? When something bad happens, my mind always leads to self destruction.

Slamming the bathroom door shut, I pulled out my blade. The one I had taken with me just in case, little did I know it'd come in handy.

I ran warm water in the bathtub and got my anxiety and depression medication, pouring it all out onto the counter. Grabbing my cup of water, I swallowed two at a time, hating the way it hit and scraped the back of my throat. After about 12 I felt like I was going to throw up, but knew I needed more just to make sure. So, I swallowed every single pill on the counter, thinking about how much I deserved it.

I slid into the bathtub filled with water that rose above my chest and waited for the darkness to come, surprised at how fast it did come. I could feel myself slide into the water, then a few seconds later, unconsciousness. This is it,

this is the end