Hypocrisy (Austlan Cashby)

Chapter 28

I had to go back to school Monday, and oh god I was dreading it. The people that will of the sudden care about me, the sympathy that will be radiating. It's all gonna be too much, and I can just feel it. Also, the fact that my breakdowns come normally now and when I'm at home by myself or in my room, it doesn't matter, no one can see me. But, at school everyone can see me.

Oh, did I tell you Austin is in town? I guess he did what I did and just came home. There was no point in running away anymore, it lost all of its purpose when we fell away from each other.

I'm trying so hard not to care, but it's impossible. Although, I still haven't self harmed. I've made different outlets such as drinking and song writing.

I've written a few songs, but none that I'd be willing to put out there because it's obviously about Austin. If hate to put something like that on him. After all, this was my fault. I should've expected this.

-

Brushing my hair, I almost forgot about how much I hate mornings. My skinny jeans were looser, but I still had to dance to get into them. All of my clothes where clean and put away neatly for a change, although not because if me. While I was gone my mom cleaned my room, not sure how long I'd be away. She kept all of my posters and left all of my notebooks intact, but I have a strange feeling she read through all of them.

It's when I had to choose my clothing, that I chose a Pink Floyd tank top. See, any one else would see this as normal, but this was so different. For once, I could wear a short sleeved and not worry about marks on my wrist, although scars remained. Covering the darker scars with the same concealer I used to cover up bruises that Austin used to give me, I smiled. This is so not recovery considering how sad I am, but it's close.

Grabbing my phone and headphones, I slipped out the door without my mom or dad saying goodbye. I didn't want the stereotypical "have a nice day" thing from my dad. Lord knows my mom would wish I had a terrible day.

When I was outside, I noticed how the sky looked. It was going to rain soon, but it hadn't yet, leaving the sky littered with long, grey clouds. I've never really noticed how much I love this kind of weather, just before the storm; the calm. You could smell the rain on the air and the darkness of the clouds made the grass ten times brighter. But, the sky was turning a greenish colour and I secretly hoped we didn't have any tornados. Lord, those things scared me.

The pavement looked darker and the road looked longer, I was still dreading school. Walking past Austin's house made me inwardly cringe. Oh, how I wish my car worked so I could take the long way that avoided his house and still make it to school in time. But, my car now belonged to my mom when she had a reck, and I had no say in it considering she bought it for me. One day I'll have enough money to buy my own car and put this licences to use. Until then, I have to resort to emotional damage every time I walk by his house.

I was getting closer to the school when I noticed the "Welcome back Alan!" sign held by the one and only Phil. Sadly, I had forgot about him, but it was obvious I didn't slip his mind. I ran up to him and gave him a hug as he dropped down the sign.

"Where's your lover boy?" Phil asked, clueless. I bit my lip hoping he'd get the hint so I didn't have to announce out loud again that we were no longer together. Each time I did, it hurt ten times worse.

Phil covered his mouth and looked like he was going to ask why, but he noticed the state I was in and dropped it, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

"The make up work you're going to have to do is ridiculous! Oh, and there's this new kid that came in about a week after you left! His name is Shayley, he's like us. Is like us an okay to say? What I mean is, he's really cool and cute if I say so myself. Although, I'm straight. You on the other hand," Phil said quickly, winking at me. The thought of another relationship made me cringe. But, I laughed and nodded.

Phil went on about the things I missed, including him getting a girlfriend, when a boy with way light brown hair and a lip piercing walked up, smiling.

"This is Shayley!" Phil said, winking in my direction. I had to admit, this guy was cute. His giggle was cute too. And oh god, his voice.

Stop it, Alan. You're broken.

"You must be Alan! You already know my name. God, I've heard so much about you, almost too much," Shayley said, glancing over in Phil's direction. A girl with dark hair and plum lipstick came up behind Phil, putting a finger over her lips to signal for us to be quite. Covering his eyes with her pale hands, Phil smiled and pulled her hands away to kiss her. I cringed for the fifth time today at there affection.

"This is Anouk, my girlfriend," Phil said. Anouk hugged me, surprisingly, and talked about how much she wanted to meet me. She was beautiful, Phil picked amazingly this time.

Not only where her looks on point, but she had an amazing sense of humour and cracked hilarious jokes here and there. Coming from a gay guy, she was perfect for him.

We all talked for a little bit until the bell rang.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Shayley asked, pointing his finger at the still opened school doors. I nodded, although the situation reminded me too much about when me and Austin skipped and kissed for the first time. I felt the tears come to my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away before Shayley could notice.

He led me to this park. Sitting on the swings, he signalled for me to come sit in the one next to him.

"So, what's life like?" Shayley asked, awkwardly trying to break the ice.

"Terrible. You?"

"Same. Why is it terrible for you?" I didn't want to just open up to him, but I felt like I had no choice.

"Breakup, it still hurts remembering him, you know?"

"Him? Oh yeah, Phil told me you were gay. He also mention Austin, I thought that would last."

"Me too," I mumbled, wiping a tear that had fallen off my cheek.

"Don't cry, that makes me feel like shit!" Shayley said, jokingly.

"Good," I replied shoving him off his swing. He got up, shaking the wood chips off of his butt. Picking me up, he swung me over his shoulders and swung me around a few times.

"Has anyone ever told you how light you are? Do you even eat at all?" Shay asked, not letting me down.

"No, but I'm terrified of hights, shay!" I squealed.

"Shay? Hmm, I like that," he said, smiling, lifting me higher. I squealed once again.

"I swear to god!" I yelled, "I will... I will-"

"You will?" He asked.

"I don't know what I'll do," I admitted.

"Hmm, I know what I can do," Shay sat me down and looked me into the eyes.

"I know exactly what I can do," he said, before kissing me.