In Sickness and In Health

Laughter

Cole POV

I'm sitting beside Lili. She came back from her operation three hours ago and we are just waiting for her patiently to wake up. The doctor said that the operation went well and that she's stable but they need her in for observation if she's wake up. Her parents Dan and Amy have been waiting with her as well. Her dad fell asleep a while ago but I can't sleep.

In the hours I've been beside her bed I must have woken up six times. Not for that long each time, but enough to break my sleep into un-refreshing chunks. Just in case my darling wife wakes up. It may have been fourteen hours since I last spoke to her but it is has been a month since she laughed. A month since she felt truly good about herself and a month since I've seen her truly happy. I don't blame the cancer for her drop in enthusiasm but I blame the countless drugs she has to take, I researched a lot of them and most have them have fairly negative side effects such as nausea, vomiting , feeling lethargic, fluctuations in weight and a lowering self esteem.

When I asked how it feels to have cancer, and she gave the most beautiful but heartbreaking response. 'It's heavy' was the only way she could define it. She had to carry it around even though she never wanted to. It was always over her, casting its shadow on her life. It was hung by a thin thread, too fragile to hold something so heavy, she always felt on edge with it being there, the constant fear dying always raced her mind. When she got the news, that the cancer had spread to her brain. She said she felt that the thread had finally snapped, she wanted to scream but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Depression is a godawful thing, I suffer from it myself and I honestly have felt very low these past few months, not just because Lili being sick but because I've realised how important family is. I've always appreciated my family but seeing how Lili's family just live life and how they have come to term with their regrets and that it is okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them which is completely true. We all make mistakes in this world but there is a difference between being a better person and learning from them and just regretting everything you have done in life. This makes people fall into a depression and depression is just a terrible illness that we as a nation need to tackle. Depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It's the pain that's too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and so misunderstood. You can't escape it no matter how hard you try, because it follows you around like a black shadow that's on the inside, eating you away.

I feel a sudden warmth, I look down from the hospital ceiling and she's awake. Lili's awake. "Lili, thank god you're okay." I say beginning to cry again and giving her a hug and loading her with much needed kisses. Her mom comes over and gives a big hug as well and her dad wakes up. Dr Garcia and Dr Hawker come in and tell us the news. I'm overjoyed by it all. " Lili is remission" are the words scream from the top of my lungs but I sit there humbly but gushing on the inside. Her parents head of for a coffee and myself and Lili sit in silence for a few seconds when I smile at her and I kiss her, her blue lips are cold and chapped but I don't care, I have my wife back.

I look into her bloodshot eyes and a deep curve on her lips makes the world stop around her. A smile that brings back a million memories in a split second. The precious precious dimple that crinkles skips a beat she has that smile that makes you feel happy about being alive and more human. I smile back at my wife by my side. She says to me that she's concerned that I'm going to leave her she says in a joke that if she gets get incredibly irritating or when she gets really old will I still stand by her. I tell that I will be here in good times and in bad and that I will love her unconditionally but I don't feel like that is enough to say so I just say "I love you" like an idiot but I truly do love every single ounce and thing about her. I still can't believe that she married me, that she's loves me. I never knew I could love someone like I love her and someone that loves me for me. She makes me a better man. I've always been a vulnerable person when it came to love but I fell stupidly, crazily in love with her and everyday I love her more in everything she does and says.

I'm sitting on her bed with Lili sitting up when her phone beeps. I pick it up and read.

On the 27th May at 3:25 am,
Isabella Avery Mills was born.
Mother and baby doing well.
Mads and Travis xx

Lili smiles again, colour is beginning to emerge from her pasty white face. We decide to ring Mads and congratulate her and Travis.

"Hey Lils, how are you?" Madalaine sounding as well as ever.

"I'm great, I've just been told I'm in remission." Lili says beaming.

"Gosh Lili that's fantastic, is Cole with you?" She asks.

"Yes he is," she turns to me she sniggers and kisses my cheek softly. "But enough about me, how's Travis and now Isabella doing."

"Well Isabella is doing great, she's asleep in the crib next to me and as for Travis he's gone to get us some Veggie Grill and Lili, Cole can I ask you guys something?" Mads asks.

"Of course he is, and yeah sure go ahead." I pop up.

"Well Travis and I were hoping that..."

"Hoping what..." Lili says.

"Hoping that you would be Isabella's godparents." We hear Travis' booming voice return.

"Us?" I question, I appreciate the offer but I'm shocked to be perfectly honest.

"Yes you Cole" Mads laughs.

Lili turns to me and smiles.

"We would absolutely be delighted to!" Lili carries on speaking to Mads and Travis while I just sit beside my wife watching her laugh, smile and giggle for the first time in a long time...

Hey guys! Thanks for reading!
Love you all!
Lots of love
L💗