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the first thing i hear is michael's crying. i automattically think the worst.

"where's ashton?"

michael looks up and gives my a sad smile. "he's fine. don't worry."

"then why are you crying?" i ask.

"i just reached my breaking point. and i think you have, too."

"no. not yet," i tell him.

"luke, they had to sedate you," he sighs. "calum went home a few hours ago. you've been out for seven."

i nod, curling up in my seat. "any news?"

"nothing. not even his heartrate has changed."

"i wanna go see him."

michael puts a hand on my shoulder. "no. that's not a good idea," he says.

"c-can i at least write to him?" i ask hopefully. i'm starting to lose him and i can feel it. he's slipping away. but i can't tell if i'm the one fading or him.

-

dear ashton,

i miss your voice, i miss you laugh. i miss you eyes. i can't remember what your hair smells like. it scares me.

i'm starting to forget your voice. i need to hear you speak. i need to hear you say..

nevermind. it doesn't matter. i'm so fucking selfish. please, ash. wake up. if you won't do it for me, do it for michael and calum. this whole thing has changed us. michael's quieter now. calum doesn't seem to care about much anymore. me, i don't even know. you're my reality check.

i need you.

i love you.

please,

luke.

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