fade ; afi+lrh

14

dear ashton,

it's been two weeks. you've been asleep for two weeks. i haven't left you.

michael and calum take turns waiting for you while the other goes home to sleep.

the food here is disgusting. i'm getting tired of it.

i've only smoked two packs since the third day. michael's working to get me off of it. i'm glad. i wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for him.

i really miss you.

even if i stop smoking, i'll probably fade without you. please wake up.

miss you,
luke
-

"are you okay?" calum asks me. i shake my head.

"no."

"do you want to smoke? i mean, you already had one today but i'll allow it if you need to."

"it's not withdrawal," i tell him.

"then what is it?"

"i want ashton," i admit in a whisper.

"we can go see him," calum offers. i nod.

we walk in silence. i like silence.

i sit in the chair next to ashton's bed and take his hand in mine, playing with his fingers.

"hey," i whisper. "it's me. again. i can't go a day without seeing you. god, i'm so sorry. please wake up. i need you, ash." i squeeze his hand.

"he's gonna wake up soon. he has to. or they'll take him off life support," calum says.

"wait. what?"

suddenly, i realize that ashton only has two more weeks before they take him off life support. they can't do that.

"luke, he suffering and if he doe-"

"don't say it."

"if he doesn't want to live-"

"calum, stop," i say firmly. he sighs and gives me a sad look.

"if they ask, make the right decision," he tells me then leaves.

"fuck that," i scoff.

but inside, i know that i can't let him keep fighting if he doesn't want to. he'll give up.

•

"ash, i'm here!" i shouted up the stairs before shutting the door behind me. "i brought movies and chinese!"

no answer.

"ashton?"

silence.

"ash, where are you?"

there was a crash. i quickly ran up the stairs to his room to find it empty. i saw broken mirror pieces on the floor and heard sniffling coming from his bathroom.

i knocked on the door softly. "ashton? you in there?"

"go away," he sniffled through obvious tears.

"i can't do that," i told him quietly and tried the doorknob. the door open and i was welcomed with the view of a crying sixteen year old with bloody arms.

"luke, please leave me alone," he begged as i sat next to him. he moved more into the corner.

"why'd you do it?" i asked, not wanting to make him even more upset.

"i-i don't know.."

"bullshit."

"luke," he sighed, wiping his tears. i grabbed a package of bandages and a cloth.

"just tell me why," i told him, beginning to clean his cuts.

"you know that kid zach?" i nodded. "well, ever since fourth grade, he's hated me for no reason. he's always made fun of me and just this past year he's started to actually physically harass me. on top of that, my dad is trying to win custody over me. i can't handle this anymore."

"why does your dad want custody? he hates you."

"just wants a punching bag," ashton shrugged. i finished bandaging his arms and he sighed, looking at them. "how am i gonna hide these?"

i looked down to my own wrist, covered in bracelets which were hiding my cigarette burns. i pulled them off and slipped them onto his wrists. "there."

"thank you," he whispered and held his arms out. i pulled him close, hugging him tightly.

"don't thank me. it's what i'm here for. i'll always be here."

[FLASHBACK IS VERY IMPORTANT]