fade ; afi+lrh

13

dear ashton,

i miss you. i can't go see you because calum doesn't want me to freak out again. it's been three days already. i haven't had alcohol since the first night and i haven't talked to jack. for you.

calum's trying to get me out of smoking but it's hard. especially without a reason to stop. you're my reason, ash. wake up so i can stop for you.

sadly alive,
luke
-

"you should go get something to eat," michael tells me. i shake my head.

"i'm fine."

"you haven't had anything since yesterday."

"i'm fine."

"luke, just please, go get something to eat. i'll go with you," he practically begs.

i get up and start walking, crossing my arms over my chest. he follows.

"i'm sorry i tried to kill you."

"it's fine," i mumble. "i deserve it anyways. i'm a pain in the ass." he snorts at that.

"yes, you are. but deep down, i only get mad because i care. i care about you so much. you're like my brother, luke," he tells me.

"michael," i sigh. "caring about me has never ended well for anyone. look at ashton."

"look, right now, we can't do anything about ashton. but you can get help," he says quietly and pulls me into a hug. this is the closest we've gotten in the past few months.

"how?" i whimper, hugging back and tearing up. "i just want ashton to wake up. for once, i don't want him to sleep."

"you're both going to be okay. you love each other."

i pull away and wipe my eyes. "what? what do you mean?"

"it's kind of obvious," michael explains. "he actually seems happy with you. you're pretty much broken whenever he's not around. you sleep together. you kiss."

"but i don't feel anything for him. i don't feel anything," i start to protest.

michael smiles sadly and says, "we have to get your emotions back. now give me your pack."

reluctantly, i pull it out of my back pocket and hand it to him.

i'm doing it for ashton.