fade ; afi+lrh

08

calum went to the hospital and returned, handing me a small book and a pen.

"write," he tells me.

"no," i say.

"you can't leave. you can't smoke. you can't have a breakdown right now. so you're going to write. or draw. or whatever."

he sits back down in his seat across the room, obviously not putting up with my bullshit. about two hours in, we all sat separately to avoid killing each other since michael almost choked me to death at one point because i wouldn't stop humming.

it had been less than three hours and we were already going insane. the doctor still hasn't come. michael checked with the receptionist multiple times but she couldn't give us any information.

so, i do what i think i have to.

i write.

-

dear ashton,

god, i'm such an idiot, aren't i? you should've have found out that way. i've been smoking about two packs a day for a month now. you'd be disappointed. i guess you were. that's why you ran. you couldn't handle me anymore.

and if you die in that hospital room, i don't think i'll ever forgive myself. michael would never forgive me either. he's already attempted to murder me several times. i'm surprised the nurses haven't sedated him yet.

it's been four hours and we have no idea if you're okay. we can only hope.

i can only hope that i didn't fuck up too badly.

because all of us know that if you die, it will be my fault.

love, luke.

-

i shut the book and closing my eyes, hoping that sleep will help pass the time. and it does.

when i wake up, it's about 5 in the afternoon and the doctor has finally came out. but his words are not what i want to hear.

"ashton is stable. he's in an indefinite coma. we're not quite sure how bad the injuries to his brain were."

"can we see him?" calum asks.

the doctor sadly shakes his head no. "it would be best if you waited at least a day," he tells us.

a day. i can't see him for a day.

and he probably won't see me for much longer.

when the doctor leaves, michael stands, walking over to the wall and kicking it as he fists his hair.

when the doctors words finally sink in- indefinite coma-, i get out and start walking out. calum calls after me but i don't respond.

i walk out the hospital and into the foggy day. i pull my hood up and start walking to no where it particular. the book is still in my pocket.

when i'm far enough away to feel somewhat sane, i pull out my phone. first, i call ashton.

"hey. really sorry. can't get to the phone right now. leave a message. stay fab," his voice says.

i don't leave a message.

instead, i call the one person i can think of.

jack.