jealousy || L.H

The letter.

Ariana,
I need to explain myself. I need you but don't feel like this is your fault. It's not Luke's fault either, you cannot help how you feel. You don't choose love. This is all on me.

Calum has just been amazing, trust me. Not many people would stay with someone that also is in love with his best friend. I am the problem here. I am turning in to my father. I have anger issues as you know. Instead of taking it out on things I take it out on Calum and that is not okay. I hate myself. My money means more to me than ever before and it scares me Ari, it scares me so much. There is not much more I can do than what I am about to do.

Please cry for me Ari, just cry until there are no more tears. I want you to. That means I will not be forgotten. That means I were important for you. I want you to remember me as that friend that made you happy, that got you out of the hell hole you lived in before. The Ashton you got to know in the beginning. Not this Ashton that is writing this letter. I hate this Ashton. And I understand if you hate him too.

I am sorry if this is really confusing and doesn't make sense. Also sorry for my handwriting. I'm shaking so much right now. I just had to leave something. For you to keep.

I remember that day Luke got out of the hospital. You were so happy and beautiful. I love seeing you happy, that makes my heart beat fast and I just feel amazing inside. When Luke got out I remember us all hugging him and you said something that has been stuck in my mind since that day. This is exactly what you said:
"we're having a happy ending after all"

I am sorry to say this, but there are no such thing as a happy ending sweetheart.

I love you forever Ariana Greenwich,
Your Ashton xx

PS. I am sorry.