jealousy || L.H

4.

He's so attractive, I cant.
•••
I woke up crying and shaking, the nightmares are slowly eating me. I went up, I walked through the Livingroom and opened Ashton's door slowly. Ashton was laying in his bed, but not alone, he was cuddling Calum, he can't deal with me now. I closed the door and started to panic, I don't know what to do.
"Ariana?" I heard someone say. Luke. I turned around and saw just the figure of Luke sitting on the sofa.
"Are you okay Ariana?" He asked and turned the small lamp on the side of the sofa on.
I shook my head and sat down on the floor with my back against the wall and my knees up against my chest. Luke got up and sat down right in front of me.
"What's up?" He asked and placed his hand on my knee.
I looked down on the floor.
"Just some bad dreams as usual" I said and shrugged.
"You've got them too huh? What are they about?" He asked and dragged his fingers through his hair.
"Just my shitty past" I answered.
"Ouch, those hurt the most" He said. "I did dream about them, now days I dream about weird things that tries to tell me something I need to figure out myself" He said and looked at me. He had a small smile on his face, just a small one.
"Like what?"
"Well, last time I figured out that my brain wanted me to stop caring too much, so I did, and here I am" He said.
"Oh"
It got quiet for a while. He looked out the window, and I looked at him. He's beautiful, he really is.
"What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night like this?" He asked and rested his back against the sofa and looked over at me.
"Either Ashton. is already in my bed with me or I walk to his room, but now I can't do any of it" I said and sighted. He nodded.
"Hmm, I'm not Ashton so I guess I have to find some way to help you instead" He said and stood up. He put his hand in my direction for me to take it and I did. He got me up on my feet and we walked to the kitchen.
"You hungry?" he asked and smiled.
"Well, yea, some food would be nice" I said and he nodded.
"Pancakes?"
"Pancakes." I agreed and that's how me and Luke ended up making pancakes 4 in the morning, just talking and having a nice time.
_______________________________
"Ariana.... I don't think you should hang out with Luke anymore..." Ashton said and I looked up from my phone.
"What?"
"He's got a girlfriend" Ashton said quietly.
"So? He's a friend"
It is four weeks ago since Luke and Michael stayed over and me and Luke made pancakes in the middle of the night.
"He held your hand"
"To help me up a hill when my legs were killing me" I said, We went to a park very far away and the last bit Luke basically dragged me all the way home.
"You like him" He said and I stopped with what I was doing and stared on my toes. Do I..? I don't know, I see him as a friend but sometimes I can't stop looking at him and his perfect smile and his cute nose and-... No stop.
"Not like that" I said and I could feel how irritated I sounded. I got up and turned around.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He asked.
"To my room, you're impossible to deal with right now" I said and walked to my door.
"Oh, stop it"
"You started it"
"You're such a child..." He said quietly, almost a whisper. But I heard him. I hate when he sees me as a child...
"And you're an overprotecting guy who stops me from having friends or even get a chance to find a boyfriend, how fun do you think it is to see you with new partners all the fucking time?" I was pissed. "And how do you think it makes me feel when my friends tells me that they're scared of you because you looked at them like you wanted to kill them? It's not fucking fun Ashton" I basically screamed the last bit. I was now crying and he just looked mad. I closed my door hard and I laid down in my bed.
He's been like this since the night after my graduation. Tells me what I can and can't do. With who I can be and cannot be with. I will die alone. The tears started to fall and I found it harder and harder to breath. I sat up.
People say it feels good to cry, but fuck no.
My phone started to vibrate and I looked at the display. 'Luke Penguin' it said. I answered.
"Hello" I said quietly.
"Hi Ari, I'm going on a road trip just over the day and Pam didn't want to come with me, soooo, wanna come with me?" He said. I was a bit chocked that he actually asked me. I can't stand my room or this apartment, or Ashton anymore.
"Yea, I would love to join" I said and I could almost feel his smile through the phone.
"Awesome, I'm outside your apartment in 5 minutes, can you bring like snacks or something to drink and maybe like a blanket?" He asked and I smiled.
"Yea I'll fix that, I'm outside when you get here"
We said goodbye and I checked the time. 11.25. I ran to my closet and changed clothes, a pair of black jeans, a short black top and a red and black flannel shirt. I put on my beanie and checked the time again, 11.27. Shit. I took my blanket and put two pillows on it. I ran to the kitchen, no Ashton, but I was glad. I took 4 monsters out of the fridge and my water bottle. I checked our cabinet and took two bags of chips and a bag of candy, I ran into my room and put everything on the blanket and made a bag out of it. I took the blanket-bag and my tote and went to the hall. 11.29. I threw on my shoes, checked myself in the mirror and was just about to leave when I realised I need to tell Ashton, but I really didn't feel like talking to him right now. I wrote a note and placed it on the kitchen table and I ran downstairs.
When I got out I saw Luke already outside. I checked my phone. 11.31. Shit. I got in his car and he looked at me shaking his head.
"You're late" he said and grinned.
"Only one minute Hemmings" I said and as he started to drive.
•••