The Road to Nowhere

Chapter 30: Dislocation

Chapter 30

I feel like my body is closing in on itself, making me not able to breathe, talk, or form any other emotion than sadness.

But this is normal.

Well, it feels like it is. The emotion stays with me more than any other. My body is tired of the hurt, the pain, the sorrow.

I don't know if I can take it any longer. Losing my mother still haunts me, seeing my father being eaten alive rips my soul apart, and seeing Daniel, Phoebe, and Linda dead because of me is unbearable. Now my being aches, my body feels contaminated, like my muscles can't bother to hold me together anymore.

I don't know what to do. There's nothing else to do.

My skin hurts, I've scrubbed it raw. The water falling onto my back makes it sting. I was right about the hot water, but it doesn't comfort me as much as it should. Cameron found a generator that had a little power left in it. We're only using it to heat up water. I thought taking a shower would help me feel better. I was wrong. The steam makes my vision blurry. Who am I kidding? The tears are making my vision blurry.

By this point, my cheeks are stained with them. I wouldn't be surprised if I had permanent lines running down my face.

It's funny how last time I felt like shit, I was taking a shower. Little did I know what I was upset about was extremely stupid and self centered compared to what's happened. Now that I think about it, that was the last time I took a shower. I'm filthy. The shower floor is caked in dirt, and it slowly falls down the drain.

Why would Robbie do that? That question has been ringing in my head for the last hour.

I never thought of Robbie as that kind of guy. His wife was so, different. So pure and friendly. Well you know what they say, opposites attract.

I know being drunk was no excuse, but maybe that's why he did it. I'm not sure. I didn't know he looked at me that way. My body shivers at that thought, even with hot water running down my body.

Should we stay with them? I know they've lost three people from their family and they need a bigger group to keep them safe, but is it worth it? Three guys can take care of themselves right? They don't need us.

But do we need them? Cameron can't possibly keep Brianna and I safe. I know I'm not good enough to take care of my sister alone. I can barely kill an infected, I can't be able to do what Cameron does on a normal basis.

After washing the rest of my body and hair, I turn off the water that's starting to run cold. I step out of the shower sopping wet. I wrap a towel around me and dry myself off. The mirror has fogged over so I can't see myself. It's a good thing though, I might do something stupid again, like cut the rest of my hair off. I miss my long hair.

As I go to wipe the wet hair off my forehead, my fingers gently graze the top of my stitches. I forgot they were there. The skin has almost healed completely, it's probably time for them to come out.

I search the drawers for some scissors. Déjà vu.

I couldn't find any, but I found a pair of nail clippers instead. After rubbing the fog off the mirror, I begin clipping the stitches, and pulling them out.

Honestly it hurt. It tugged at my skin, and a couple of them got stuck, so I had to really pull on them. The feeing of your skin stretching so far off your bones is unnatural. The last one drew blood, but nothing a couple dabs of tissue wouldn't fix. The scar was pretty noticeable, to me. It was about an inch long, right above my left eye. I tidy up the loose stitches and put them in the trash can by the toilet. I walk out of the bathroom to go get dressed.