Messy Love (Ed Sheeran)

Decisions

“A-Are you sure?” I tried to keep myself composed. She looked down at the results, before looking back up and nodding.

“I see no reason why it’d be so inaccurate,” she shrugged, eyeing me for a response.

“How are you feeling?” she said softer than usual, slowly standing up to walk to my side.

I couldn’t bear to look at her, because I knew I’d probably start freaking out or something… I mean, this is just… There’s a little human growing inside me? A little baby.

A thousand thoughts began running through my mind.  Stressful thoughts of the media; about the tour I’m just getting to plan for next year; the fear of not meeting the motherly expectations I’m suppose to meet…

I mean, my career just started, and when I put it all aside for this. What if I end up losing everything I worked so hard to get, and then I’m left struggling to make sure my child lives a happy life?

“Scared,” I admittedly blurted, trying to calm the now deep dragged breaths of mine. She held my shoulders, rubbing them slightly.

“Barbara, for some reason, I don’t even want to bring up the option of terminat-” I flickered my eyes to hers, making her stop mid sentence. I shook my head, and she gave me a warming smile.

“I know you’re too good for that,” she patted me slightly, before looking back out at the crowd outside. She then pulled down the shades, hiding any chances of paps getting photos from inside. I was so shocked, that I had no idea what to do. What to say. How to act.

“S-So, what do I do now?” I murmured to Dr.Whitney, and she looked at me, her green eyes reassuring.

“Well, let’s try and see how far along you are so we can predict a due date.. Get your pregnancy plan started,” she replied contentedly. I couldn’t do nothing else but nod… I am.. going to be a mother. I can’t believe it.

“Well, when was the last time you had unprotected intercourse?” she then asked me, turning back to bring out a few papers from a file, and then setting down a box of gloves. As awkward as you think that question might be, it's quite obvious that she's been watching us on TMZ or something, because I'm pretty sure she knew I was a virgin the last time I came in...

“Uh,” I tried to think straight, but all that overflowed in my mind is the feeling of fear. Of disappointing.

I reabsorbed her question, and then thought….

“Well,  I’m pretty sure the last  time I did so was at the Big Bear trip I went to around three weeks ago with-” I caught my breath. The sudden realization dawning over me.

“With Ed,” I gulped. She furrowed her eyebrows, confused. Oh god.. Oh my god.

“I’m pregnant with Ed's baby,” I felt my eyes water at the thought. The stubborn ideas of my head getting the best of me… What am I suppose to tell him? I… I won’t tell him. He has to tour in a few weeks… And that won’t be good on his reputation… I don’t want to be a burden. I won’t be a burden.

Dr.Whitney’s eyes widened in surprise, before she rose an eyebrow.

“How are you sure it’s his?” she questioned. I turned to her, my anger from his words the last time I saw him reemerging in my mind.

“He is the only one I've loved,” I pouted, the anger of his words disintegrating into sadness at the thought. Cliche, but true.

Might as well throw myself off this building and let the paps eat me if I ever think of making this public... It'll destroy Ed's reputation.. and he's just about to tour...  I can't do that to him.. especially after all the trouble I put him through already...Just thinking about this makes my heart drop.

There's only one thing to do for now..

I won't tell him.