Messy Love (Ed Sheeran)

Regret

I slowly grabbed my phone from his hand, my face warming up.

“Barbara,” he asked again, still anticipating an answer. I couldn’t even bare to look at his face. The atmosphere had tensed incredibly, and I did not like it one bit.

“Yes?” I hummed, grabbing my smoothie and sitting besides him. I didn’t know what to do, so I just switched on the television screen, keeping my gaze off his.

“Barbara, c’mon. I thought you got over that,” he sighed, trying to calm himself down. I could feel his gaze on me, but I kept my eyes to the characters on the screen.

I shrugged.

“I did,” I murmured under my breath, hating the feeling of guilt.

“Then why are you talking to Alice?” he asked, sitting up on the bed. I shrugged again, looking down at the floor.

“I just want to make sure she’s okay,” I spoke clearly now,  fidgeting with my phone.

“You know well enough that is not the only reason,” he scowled now. I rose an eyebrow, thinking of what to say. Yeah, it wasn’t the only reason…

I then looked up at him, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t think I got over that yet,” I blurted, not really good with expressing my negative emotions.

His blue eyes were dark as he glared at the phone in my hands.

“I’m pretty sure I know that, but why are you getting so obsessed with messing with my past?” he waved, crossing his hands over his chest in anger. I know he must feel violated, betrayed… but that wasn’t what I was trying to do.

“ Ed, I’m not obsessed with anything,” I rose my tone, sitting back to look straight at him.

“And the only reason why I’m talking to Alice is because I want to make things right. I want to make sure she get’s a formal apology for-”

“Apology? Apology for what? Making my life hell?” he rudely replied. I opened my mouth in disbelief.. I have never seen Ed so upset before… but it gives him no right to be rude.

“Well, it’s not all about holding grudges Ed. I would think you’d be the last to do something like that. And just to finally get it out there, it still hurts me to know that I am the reason why you’re a cheater,” I hissed the last word.

Ed pursed his lips, his face reddening a bit more.

“Don’t call me that,” he murmured. I stood up, putting down my cup.

“Did you ever really break up with her?” I asked, having the most difficult time even thinking straight anymore.

“Well, no, but she knows I’m with you,”

“Ed, she wants to talk to you. Don’t you have any feeling of guilt for just leaving her like that?

“Barbara, what are you talking about? She’s making herself seem like she’s the victim. She treated me horribly, and the only reason I had dated her for those two weeks was because-”

“Because what, Ed? Because you thought I didn’t like you, so you go ahead and play with her heart? For revenge or what? It didn’t seem like she’d hurt you so much. Alice seems to be-"

"Barbara, why don't you get your head out of your ass! You can't always fix everything. You think you can, but you can't!  It's not your damn business, " he huffed angrily,  his voice raising.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I had no words. He... He was right.. Isn't a partner suppose to care for one another? I guess we weren't truly together then.. And to know that my effor to only help was somewhat in vain, it hurt me..

I looked down at my hand, having forgotten the promise ring that was no longer valid. Useless.

"I'm starting to think whether or not I should regret that night," I laughed sarcastically. I know I'd never forget that night, that's for sure... but it's been a difficult life since then... Yet, as I thought, I knew I didn't... because I had never been so in love..

Ed's face warped into surprise, then sorrow, before it was overthrown by anger.

"Well, I think I do," he spat back angrily, taking a difficult breath as he held his chest.

I wish I hadn't heard that.

I looked away from his face, pulling off the ring I had been wearing for over 9 years, before I chucked it at him in pure anger and stupidity. He looked at his chest where the ring hit, before he looked up confused.

"Here, keep this useless piece of shit, then," I murmured, not able to become any louder. I grabbed my bag and was about to out of the room.

"Where are you going?" he blurted.

I froze where I was, just so overwhelmed.

"That's none of your business, Ed," I breathed, furrowing my eyebrows.

"And maybe you could just assume your relationship status again,"  I finished before closing the door behind me. 

I breathed out, trying to think about what I just did.

I just broke up with Ed Sheeran.

And I already know I regret it.