Chapter 13: The Baby of the Family.
“You have your mom’s smile.” Dad made a casual observation. I felt blush brighten my cheeks as I tried to hide my smile.
“Mom says I have your eyes.” I truthfully told him. It wasn’t until after Tom told me I wasn’t his that I went to my mom and told her that I knew. The first thing that she did was cup my face with her hands, thoughtfully looking into my eyes with a mothering smile and said “You have your father’s eyes.” Dad’s face reddened lightly as a chipper smile fell across his face.
“You do. You have the same eyes as Jimmy and the girls.” He commented with a sullen tone and a bright glow that lit up his aging facial features. I nodded at him in agreement. We did have the same eyes. We had our dad’s eyes.
“Frank told me you were writing a song.” Dad uttered after a moment of silence. Dammit Frankie, I didn’t want him to know that I wrote a song. I blushed brightly and shied away with an embarrassed smile.
“Ehh, I suppose.” I murmured quietly. “–I mean I wrote it on the road here.” I babbled on. It was actually more of a poem but it turned into a song. It’s kinda about my life and how I see the world. It’s about me being free to do things that make me happy. I don’t do anything that makes others happy, I do things that make me happy; making them happy is just a bonus.
Dad’s smile brightened as he took the guitar that was leaning against the house and handed it to me.
“I know it’s a bit much to ask for but do you mind playing it for me?” He asked thoughtfully. I know he’s only trying to catch up on the lost time and the many moments of embarrassing me. I figured; what the hell?
“Okay.” I said with a gentle smile as I took the guitar and set it on my lap. Frank has taught me how to play guitar so I owe him a huge one.
“I got my daddy's car
And his old guitar
A suitcase full of broken hearts
Got my momma's smile
And a painted blue eye
I ain't got much
But what I got is mine
And I roll like I roll
I roll like I roll
I got an open road
And a restless soul
The Rolling Stones on the radio
And I roll like I roll
Cause' I roll like I roll
I roll like the hills under the California sun
Burn through the desert like a devil on the run
I'll be flying high till the day that I die
No matter what they say
I begin another day
I will roll like I roll
Well there's a lot a people gonna try to bring you down
They got a lot of rules
They gonna try to put you out
I keep looking up
In this world full of doubt
I roll like I roll
I roll like the hills under the California sun
Burn through the desert like a devil on the run
I'll be flying high till the day that I die
No matter what they say
I begin another day
I'm not gonna let it slip away
Cause I rather burn in hell
Than to let it fade
I got an open road
And a restless soul
The Rolling Stones on the radio
And I roll like I roll
I roll through the hills of my own New Jersey home
Back to the place where my heart belongs
I'll be flying high till the day that I die
No matter what they say
I begin another day
I did it my way!”
“Wow, Sidda; that’s really good. Looks like we have two musicians in the family.” Dad applauded me proudly. I’ve never felt more proud of myself than I did at this moment. My dad just said that my writing and music is very good. He was proud of me. Tom has never told me he was proud of me. He only ever told that to Nathan.
I tried to hide my smile and blush away from him; I kept the guitar on my knee to hide my face into the curve. But my smile soon fell away as I thought of all the things he wouldn’t be proud of me for doing. I suppose he recognized the look on me face because his smile faded into seriousness and his soft eyes became fathering.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked curiously, rubbing my back firmly with the front of his rough hands. I knew that I told him now, he’d see me differently. He wouldn’t look at me the same. I don’t want my dad to look at me in any other way but as his daughter. I just had to keep reminding myself that my problems don’t matter.
I forced a smile and shook my head at him, brushing my hair behind my ear.
“Nothing.”
Dinner time rolled around, dad did a barbeque so it was just some burgers and hot dogs with potato salad. Frank had cheese pizza since he’s a vegetarian. He didn’t mind having to have something different. He was lucky Barbra had a small cheese pizza in the freezer. Otherwise it’d be an adventure to the supermarket. Not that we’d mind, I enjoy a good adventure.
I relished in the feeling of eating as a great big family, although, I was seated between Frank and Jimmy. Ray was on the other side of Frank. It was seriously awkward. Rae, Gerard, Mikey, Katie and Jessica sat in front of us while Barbra took one end of the table and dad took the other. Jimmy’s friends ate in the living room quietly. Not long into the afternoon the guys woke up and my Grandparents came over, they bathed me in happiness. Rae was so happy to see me smiling like this because I was finally with my dad and my other siblings. Everyone was curious to know what my life was like in New Jersey. I told them about mom and Nathan, I told them about my School and my simple life. I left out my dark past. I just kept reminding myself that my problems don’t matter.
Dad kept looking at me concernedly. It made me wonder what he was thinking, why was he looking at me like that? Did I have something on my face? Did I say something? It wouldn’t surprise me if I did say something completely stupid. It’d be my luck too, the first twelve hours of knowing my dad and I already screwed our relationship.
“What’re your guys’ plans for tonight?” Dad asked curiously after sharing a steady stare with me. I shoveled the rather delicious potato salad around on my plate. Jimmy chewed loudly beside me, not even twelve hours of us meeting and I already want to slap him.
“We’re going to Johnny’s Saloon. I’m gonna bring Eliese and her friends.” He stated with his mouthful. I cringed at the thought of him talking with his mouth full of chewed ground up cow. Nonetheless, I was stunned by this. I don't remember talking about this. Dad looked about as shocked as I was. His eye brow was sky high.
“You’re bringing your baby sister to a bar with you, with your friends and her friends?” Dad stuttered nervously. The corners of Jimmy’s lips curled devilishly into a deceiving smirk.
“Mhm.” Jimmy hummed.
“Why?” Dad asked with a confused expression.
“Because, I want to get to know my baby sister.” I felt very left out of the conversation, like I didn’t have a voice. And out of all the lessons my mom has taught me in life the one I use the most is to use my voice.
“Ugh, just because I’m the baby doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion about this matter.” I sneered weakly. Have you ever opened your mouth about something and immediately had everyone look at you as if you just said you knew the cure for cancer? Yeah, that’s what’s happening right now. I had everyone looking at me. I’ve never had so many eyes on me at one time.
“And what exactly is your opinion?” Jimmy snared at me with a cocky expression. I scowled at him in defeat; I did want to go out tonight because that sounds fun. I shrugged and flashed a half smirk.
“I suppose we could go for a little while.” I looked over at Frank for reassurance as I shared an unsure smile with everyone. Frank seemed sure of this. He smiled at me and nodded once before I felt his hand engulf mine and his fingers entangle with mine under the table. Luckily we were sitting so close together nobody could see that we were holding our hands.
