His Electric Feel

His Electric Feel Part 17

Dying is not scary. It is not intimidating. It is not foreboding. It is a tender, enticing process that carries you away like a soft lullaby from a mother to child. There is no pain, ache, or sadness; there is only a calm drifting feeling, like floating on a gentle sea that pulls you towards the end. It is rather peaceful.

The scary, intimidating, foreboding, painful, and achingly sad part, is letting go. There is a point, on the gentle ride that is death, where you realize that you aren't ready to die. You aren't ready to forget about everything you have ever loved and cared about in your entire life. The scary, intimidating, foreboding, painful, and achingly sad part, is when you realize you want to live. And in that moment of discovery, you fight with everything in you to get back and continue life.

When I looked away from the path that death was taking me on, I saw my mother smiling at me in my father's embrace, Tyson and Genevieve loosely holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes with pure love, Raiden was sitting down grinning with Auggie and Grazon, and then I saw him.

Van was standing up looking at all the others with a look of pure disgust. Then his face shifted towards mine and I gasped at what I saw. Tears had filled his eyes, and right then, something in me snapped. I began fighting like hell to get back to him, and suddenly, the gentle sea that surrounded me, turned into an ocean filled with monstrous waves. For every stroke I took, I felt like I was pulled five back. I tried to call Van's name, but nothing came out. Van saw me struggling though and he immediately ran towards the water, towards me. A huge wave lifted then, blocking Van from my view as it collapsed over me. When I resurfaced, Van was so far away, I could barely see him. He was yelling something, but his deep voice was overpowered by the sound of crashing waves. It was getting harder to stay afloat and my energy was giving out. As I continued to fight, something inside told me it was okay to let go. My options were limited, and I was tired beyond belief. Slowly, I allowed myself to fall into the depths and prayed to anyone that was listening that this was not the end.

It was the gentle hum and the beeps of machines that told me I was still alive, but it was the tight grip on my hand and the tingles it sent up my arm that made me want to be alive. I was too weak to make my consciousness known, but I could hear and feel the outside world.

There was someone else's hand in mine that I could only assume to be Van's. His unusually quiet voice was murmuring sounds that floated into my ears. They were gentle words of prayer, encouragement, and they were filled with deep sorrow.

"Please come back Torah, please. I promise I'll never ask for anything ever if you come back. I'll stop cussing and drinking, I'll be the best soldier in the Black Orchid Mission; I'll do anything if you come back. Please, I need you."

"Van," It was Tyson's stern voice. There was also sorrow in it. "Be careful."

"Not know. And it's not like much worse can happen," Van's voice broke,

"I understand what you're going through, but this isn't a reason to be foolish. Torah is a Grande. She'll pull through." Tyson's voice was becoming shaky.

"Do you want to get something to eat, love?" Genevieve's soft voice filled the room. It sounded like she had been crying.

"Yeah, we need a break. Do you need anything Van?"

"Nothing you could give me." It was so quiet that only I could hear it. He replied a little bit louder, "No, I'm staying with Torah."

"We'll be back soon. Behave" I heard the door shut as Tyson and Genevieve left. I became vaguely aware that wherever I was, I was with only Van. That fact comforted me.