◈ Magnus X Alec One Shots ◈ Malec ◈

Middle Of The Night

Magnus looked back on those moments with despair. The words he spoke felt like venom on his lips. The actions he did felt like knives in his heart. The scenario that took place felt like another time in another world. But, no matter how many times he felt he had moved on, he kept returning to that dreaded moment.

The moment it fell apart.

So, with a heavy heart, Magnus tested the liquid in the beaker and with gratitude began to take steady sips until his mind felt at least slightly buzzing. He needed that. This was what could help him. He would drink until he couldn't feel his heart anymore. Even if that took hours. Because he had hours. Many of them.

With Alec, he lost everything.

He still didn't understand, he still didn't get it, how Alec had slipped through his tightly locked fingers and away from him. Magnus didn't understand that even when his brain was so heavily under the influence of alcohol that he still thought of his beloved Alec.

He did all he could but he never got Alec out of his mind.

So, when he called Alec in the middle of the night, stuttering his words when the so familiar voice came down the receiver, he couldn't quite say the words he was meant to say. I miss you felt like a burden on his shoulders that he couldn't remove, couldn't say. He didn't understand why.

The line remained silent for what could have been minutes.

'I want to apologise.' Magnus spoke without recognition of it until his words echoed back to him. Magnus didn't mean that. It was too late to do this, he had been out of time long ago.

Three months ago.

Yet, why did he still think of romantic dates and ways in which to propose? They had finished three months ago. He still acted as if there was a hope for the future. 'For everything.' He continued. He didn't know what he was doing but if Alec hadn't hung up by now, he was doing something right. Magnus glanced at the clock, the hands had just passed midnight. He had called Alec in the middle of the night.

Yet, Alec hadn't hung up.

'For what I said and did. Everything.' He emphasised. Magnus had to tell him, even if it was his last words. Because he was sorry. Sorry for every little thing he had done. Sorry because he had been petty. Sorry because it was all his fault. Sorry because he had stripped Alec of his confidence- confidence that hadn't been all that high before.

Another pause. A long pause.

'Why now?' Magnus paused at Alec's voice- the voice that he hadn't heard in months. The voice that he fell in love with. And Magnus, for the first time in years, realised he was scared. Not just scared of Alec and his ridiculously, almost painfully, sweet voice. But scared because he had no answer.

Why now?

The hardest question of all.

Magnus didn't know why. He didn't know why, at this time in the middle of the night, he had decided to call. Maybe, he had finally snapped and the taught rope that restrained him had finally fallen apart.

Magnus went to apologise once again but as before, his words were choked down. That answered nothing. And, on top of that, he had no good explanation. He had no reason for putting Alec through what he put him through.

His expectations of the outcome of this were too unrealistic, he realised. He sighed, at least an indicator that he was still there. But, he felt, as he waited longer that his answer became more meaningless. If he couldn't tell Alec straight away, what did that mean? Although, he didn't have to say anything. His silence had said everything. The I don't know as clear as if it were on his own lips.

'I wanted to apologise.' Magnus finally spoke, his voice stronger than he could have ever imagined. He sounded resolute, just as he wanted. Well, that was what Magnus was, wasn't it? A good pretender. The master at masks. The facade in its pure form.

'It's been a month, Magnus.' Alec sighed over the receiver. But, there was something else there. Something that Magnus very much liked. Something that gave Magnus the hope he craved. Pain, not pity. Alec, no doubt now, was in the same position as Magnus.

The both craved the other, backing away for the fear of the others reaction.

'I know it has.' Magnus murmured, his voice unsure and unsteady. 'You know, I really am sorry.' He continued, swallowing down the fear. 'I didn't mean it. Scrap that, I did. But, I was wrong. So wrong. I take it all back, every last word. I never wanted to hurt you. I was an idiot and I was wrong.' A pause. A fearful breath in. A shaky breath out.

'I forgive you.'

'You do?' The response was immediate, shocked. Magnus couldn't believe it. It seemed unreasonable and irrational that Alec would forgive him so easily. It was unbelievable, really.

'I do.' Alec confirmed, his voice lighter than it had been this entire conversation.

'Wow. Okay, I didn't really think of what was going to come next.' Magnus joked, his voice much lighter too- the joke bringing at least a small laugh from Alec's mouth. Magnus smiled. Alec smiled.

Neither had smiled in a long time.

'Well, me neither. Not that I knew this was going to happen.' Alec laughed, his voice happy. Magnus was glad. Magnus was glad that he could make Alec laugh again, smile again. He was glad that he had that power again. Not because he craved control but just because it proved to him that he wasn't what those voices in his head said they were. Dark thoughts haunt everyone. Magnus had had it especially bad in the last few months.

He felt they had gone forever.

'How about coffee?' Magnus blurted. He tensed, expecting rejection. He didn't realise just how wrong he was.

'Yeah, sure. Call me in the morning with the details.' Alec returned, the smile clear in his tone.

'Yeah, I'll do that.' Magnus replied, his mouth opening- a full, teeth-showing grin. Something was changing, Magnus thought. No, he scrapped that thought. Everything was changing. Everything was about to be great again.

Great because Alec was returning to him and he was going to do anything to keep it that way.

word count: 1051

published: 29.06.17