Save Me

Chapter Twenty-Six

One on one therapy I had always thought was hell. Sitting with some stranger, pouring your deepest darkest secrets out and being told how to fix them was never something I was comfortable with. Even worse having some judge me and tell me what was wrong with me always tore me down. I had been told all of my life by other people all the things that were wrong with me, too fat, ugly face, weird knees, huge nose, awkward walk, slob, lazy, pathetic stupid, worthless, useless. In therapy I essentially had a doctor telling me the same things but in nicer terms. Hearing "You suffer from severe depression and an eating disorder which can cause fatigue and under development. Which can result in poor physical activity and awkward bodily functions." Is "you're lazy and don't do anything, also you body is weird" but with a nice pretty bow on it.

But personal therapy sessions were nothing compared to what I had just experienced at group therapy....

"Jake I am never going back!" I screamed with tears running down my cheeks, "You can keep me here for the rest of my life if that's what you have to do because I am never, ever going back and doing that again."

"Emma stop," Jake reached for my hand but I yanked it away. "That was your first time, it's always hard at first but I swear to you it gets so much better. You get to know the girls more and the sharing and comforting one another becomes more natural."

"I don't give a shit. That is not happening again." I  walked away towards my room, ignoring Jake who was still walking behind me, obviously not getting the hint to leave me the hell alone. "I wish I would have died that night." I mumbled to myself. 

"What did you just say?" Jake stop behind me, dead in his tracks.

"Nothing." I pulled open the door to my room and slammed it behind me. Collapsing into my bed in a fit of tears I heard the door to my room open.

"Emma," Jakes voice was soft and distant. "Please don't ever say that again. I understand right now is hard for you, but life has so much more to it than you know. The future holds happiness and potential. You're going to want to be around to experience all of that."

Jake waited a few seconds after finishing his little "pep talk" for me to speak. But I lay silent, secluding to my pile of self pity and despair. There was nothing left for me anymore. Everything had just become to much to handle. 

I closed my eyes and tried to shut off my mind, praying sleep would soon wash over me and take me away to a place more happy than this. 

Warmth slowly started to crawl over my shoulder, like a hug forming around me. Quickly that hug had a lot of pressure and a rapid shaking to it. 

My eyes flew open and I saw Jake standing in front of me trying to shake me awake. "Come on, its time for dinner. "

"I'm not hungry." I yawned as I tried to go back to sleep.

"Well that sucks princess, its dinner time." I groaned at the chipper in Jake's voice.

"What is up with you talking to me like this? Shouldn't you be all nice and supportive and doing what I say while trying not to upset me. That's how everyone else around here acts." I pulled on some socks lying on the ground, they didn't smell to bad.

"You know, I tried that yesterday when I gave you that little heart to heart, and you fell asleep. So I thought maybe nice Jake isn't going to work for you. Instead we're getting down to business. You're going to get better, and I'm going to help you get there. Sometimes you need a little push, and I'm going to be that push. Now get up and lets go eat dinner."

I pushed myself up from the bed and started walking down the hallway. We arrived in the dinning room but no one else was in there. "Where is everyone?"